This past Wednesday, my husband and I celebrated our 14th anniversary of being
married and our 15th year of being a couple.
As I reminisced over the nearly decade and a half of marriage, I am amazed at how far God has brought us and how much we both have matured and grown in the Lord. As a result, I, as a wife, have learned some valuable life lessons that have really strengthened my marriage and deepened the bond I share with my husband. So, I wanted to pass along some of the little things I have found to be helpful in my own home.
Be willing to work hard. Marriage isn’t always easy (spoiler: But oh so worth it!) Despite the fairytales we read as little girls, after the “I do”s are said, we don’t automatically ride off into the sunset to “live happily ever after.” Don’t get me wrong— that “happily ever after” is definitely achievable but only if you and your spouse are willing to work hard to attain it!!
Don’t be quick to get offended. Rarely do our husbands actually truly mean to hurt our feelings. They love us! They don’t want to hurt us! Or make us cry. I learned this very early in my marriage. My husband likes to joke around and I learned that that is his way of just teasing or “picking on me” in a playful way. He would never say something to be malicious or to make me feel bad.which leads me to my next point….
Just “trust his heart”. Men aren’t women. We are wired completely differently than our mates! If our husbands are good, honest, God fearing men, we must learn to trust his heart. He made a choice to ask you to be his bride and share his life with you. Your man may not be overly affectionate or he may not be super romantic but don’t mistake his lack of “romance” for a lack of love. Love is a choice. Over the years, I have seen seemingly passionate marriages begin and shortly afterward, the novelty wears off and there is very little connection and meaningful relationship left between them. Romance will only get you so far. (Don’t get me wrong--some romance in a marriage is necessary but there is so much else to work to build as well!). I would much rather be married to a man who is faithful and true, a man will love me without conditions, and a man will strive to be a God honoring leader than a man who is just full of flattering words and romantic gestures yet has no true conviction or substance to him. Please don’t hear what I’m not saying—If your spouse is overly affectionate, you are blessed. Some guys may be like that and that is wonderful! But if your husband doesn’t bring you flowers, write you love letters all the time, or sweep you plumb off your feet, don’t nag him about his lack of outward affection or try to compare him to some other Romeo out there. He may be showing you his love in an entirely different ways. His outward expressions of love may look like: picking up his dirty socks out of the floor himself and tossing them in the laundry basket so you don’t have to; it may look like him running to the store to pick up an item so you don’t have to get out yourself. It may look like him doing little things around the house to make your load a little lighter. It may look like him entertaining the kids for a bit, so you can do something uninterrupted yourself. Instead of looking at the negatives (or lack of outward affection/flattering words), look around you—your husband is probably showing his love for you in a myriad of ways everyday.
Focus on the positive. Don’t dwell on the one little thing that he did that just irked you. Focus on the 999 other positive ways that your husband has been such a blessing in your life.
Never stay angry long. I am so blessed in this area. Bill and I purposed very early on in our marriage that our home was going to be a haven of peace. We wanted God to dwell in our home. That’s not to say that we have never had a disagreement. It is just human nature. If you get super close to anyone, you are going to get on each other’s nerves eventually. It’s inevitable. But it’s how you handle those little “tiffs“ that make all the difference! In our home, arguments and tension are just not welcome here. Yes, we may have disagreements (and even misunderstandings, at times) but we don’t allow them to fester into giant problems. We deal with them quickly and most of the time, within just a few minutes, we are back on good terms with each other…. How is that possible??
Be willing to apologize and accept responsibility for your actions. Being quick to say “I’m sorry” is some of the best marriage advice I could ever share. Don’t always throw the blame all on your spouse. A lot of times, (we, women especially) are guilty of provoking our husbands or nagging them and then when they act negatively, we flip out. In most marital discords, both spouses are usually at fault in some way. (Even if it’s just by reacting poorly) Bill and I have got into the habit of if we have a little spat or disagreement, and a short bit later, one of us apologizes for our behavior or words, the other one will apologize for their reaction or their attitude. It’s amazing what sincere, heartfelt, shared apologies can do for your marriage.
Never give each other the silent treatment for days on end. That’s just a recipe for a marital disaster. Don’t give the devil place in your marriage by acting like that! Make up quickly. The Bible tells us that a soft answer turneth away wrath. In a marriage, not only can soft words be key, but also a patience filled hug or a loving kiss can dissolve anger and frustration in short order! (I myself have been upset at times, my husband will just come up to me and hold out his arms. Him just wrapping his arms around me has an amazing effect on my attitude and my mood. It’s like the wind goes out of my proverbial sail of anger, sadness, or frustration. It’s like I literally melt. This simple action on his part immediately re-centers me and makes me calm. He has learned that words are not always needed. Sometimes, just his gentle reminder of his love, stability, and protection is all I need to refocus and regroup.
Love his family as if they are your own. Despite the world’s philosophy concerning the stereotypical “in-laws”, God never intended for there to be conflict in your home over your husband’s family. When you married your spouse, their family became your family. You both become one! Every family is different and different people have different ways of doing things but just because someone else’s way of doing it isn’t the same as my way doesn’t make them wrong, per say. Learn to get along with your in-laws for your husband’s (and your children or future children’s sake!) Just as you love your family, your husband loves his family. Don’t make him chose between you or them. That will only bring resentment and bitterness into your own home. Seek to be humble and flexible in your relationship with his family. Things will go much more smoothly! ( I learned this one the hard way! See the bottom of post for link for that article! But thank God, I did learn it!)
Love that husband with your whole heart. Seek to be a Proverbs 31 wife! You will never ever regret building up your husband (see link at bottom for more related posts) Support that man! Encourage him! Build him up! (Never tear him down with your actions/words) pray for him! Serve him with a joyful heart! Ask God to “make” you a Godly wife. Seek to learn more and grow in your role as his “helpmeet”.
Prioritize “quality” reconnecting time. In such busy world, we must be purposeful in making time to cultivate our relationship. I have learned over the years that this is so, so important!! I have found when I am the most disgruntled in my marriage is when my “quality time” meter is running low. Spending an evening together periodically without any distractions works wonders for your marriage! Don’t feel guilty for leaving the kids with grandparents and then, the two of you going on a date night. (The kids enjoy spending time with the grands! They probably won’t even miss you a bit! Often, as busy moms, we unwittingly have very little left to give to our husbands after those long, hard days of mothering. But our husbands need our affirmation! They revel in our undivided attention and focus. By blocking out time to focus solely on your mate, you are reaffirming to them that they are still valuable to you and worth your time and attention. So, yeah, I highly recommend being intentional and incorporating this practice into your marriage.
Flirt with your husband. You are married after all! It’s not a dirty word. Flirting is an excellent way to keep the flame 🔥 burning. Again, flirting tells your spouse that they still are the object of your affection. Constant rebuttal, or refusing his advances is definitely not a marriage building tactic. 🥺
Meet his physical needs (willingly!) This one is a doozy for some but I highly advocate this aspect of marriage. Don’t think of occasional intimacy as just another thing to check off on your never ending ”to-do” list. Instead, ask God to help you embrace it. Be an enthusiastic participant! It will bless your husband so much. Marital intimacy is something so wonderful and special. It is something that only you (and you alone!) can “gift” to your spouse. Don’t be selfish and stingy with your body. Give yourself freely to your husband. Don’t use intimacy as leverage or as a bargaining tool to get your way with your spouse. Make intimacy a regular part of your routine. (set intimacy goals together - Twice a week or even once a week or whatever works for you both- agree to compromise if necessary) and really work to build up your marriage in this area. (Note: It’s not weird to actually “schedule” intimacy if need be until you get into the habit of regularity. ) I promise if you work on this area with a willing and serving heart, it will carry over in other areas outside the bedroom. Don’t allow the Devil to cheat you out of God’s plan for intimacy (see link at bottom for more on this topic)
Really listen to your husband. Encourage his dreams and goals. Be a listening ear or a sounding board for him. Give him your full attention. Show him that you care enough to listen to what he has to say or to what he thinks is important. You don’t have to always offer advice or try to fix the problems (unless solicited), but by empathizing with him, and truly listening, you are once again reffirming his importance in your life and reiterating how much you care.
Show him Respect. Respect is something men desperately need (and crave!) Men NEED to feel respected by us women. A disrespected man never will truly reach his true potential. Respect is like fuel that “powers” our husbands. You want to have an amazing husband and wonderful home ? Start respecting your man! It will work wonders!
Have fun and enjoy being married! Bill and I are more than simply lovers and roommates but we are also the bestest of friends. I truly ”enjoy” my husband. He is my favoritest person! He makes me so happy! His quirky sense of humor is so charming and makes me love him all the more!! He is truly the “husband of my dreams” !! So, yeah, Build memories together! Laugh! Have fun! Be playful! Enjoy each other! Marriage may require a lot of work but it is so rewarding! Just be sure you are building it right, and it will stand the test of time!!
This is, by no means, a comprehensive list…. Just a few ideas off the top of my head. If you enjoyed this post, let me know in the comments down below and I may do another post along similar lines. Comment down below any marital advice that you have been given or something you have found helpful in your home!!
From my heart to yours! -Tiphanie ❤️
I am so thankful for my precious husband. I love him more and more each passing year! I am so grateful for such an amazing, steady man of God. Here’s to 14 years of marriage and the hope of many, many more! Love you, babe! 😘