Genesis 2:18
And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him
Some of you may just laughed when you read the title of this post... DIY a perfect husband?? Sis.Tiph, what do you mean? It’s not like we can go out to the local hobby store and purchase a DIY Build-a-hubby kit — (if that were the case, all the young, holiness women of marriage-able age would surely keep that store in business! lol 😂)
While it is true, we can’t go out and buy a DIY perfect husband kit; but let me demonstrate to you by the Word of God, that you can indeed “build” your husband.
Proverbs 14:1 —Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.
1 Peter 3:1-2 —[1] Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; [2] While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
I wrote a post a while back on are-you-building-up-or-doing-demolition? —but i wanted to revisit that subject again today. It is a topic that we as wives need to be reminded of frequently!
—We should strive to be women of God who will build our homes up. We are just broken people striving to stay in God’s will and love our husbands unconditionally. Due to our carnal fleshly nature, it doesn’t always come naturally to us; we have to be intentional on how we love our spouses and how we build them up! If we want to have a Godly, victorious home and to raise Godly children in this last day, we must allow God to shape us and mold us into the women God wants us to be
(🎶He’s still working on me —to make me what I ought to be....🎶)
“Marriage is a God-ordained institution and a living representation of Christ’s love for His Church. So it isn’t rocket science that the enemy would abhor and attack the sanctity of marriage. And it should come as no surprise that this same enemy would use daily distraction and petty disagreement to create a culture within the home that puts a wife at odds with the one she loves most. He’d like nothing more than for our husbands to feel disrespected, discarded, and even demeaned by us—the very ones who vowed to love, honor, cherish them. That’s because he knows that if husbands feel valued and respected by their wives, they’ll thrive in their position as head of the marriage. And when that happens, the marriage thrives!” -R. Davis
⬆️ Wow! Those are wise words we should take to heart!! ⬆️
So, How can we build up our husband?
Be cautious of how to treat your husband and how you talk to Him...Respect his authority over your home. If you have a problem mouthing off to your husband, and undermining his authority, I highly recommend that you earnestly ask God to teach you how to speak in Godly manner to your husband. Ask God to help you have respect for your husband’s authority. He was given that role by God. We must remember we, as Christians, have the responsibility to try to bring glory to God in every aspect of our lives... Undermining or berating the authority that God has ordained in our home isn’t a very good way to please the Lord.
Let Him Lead
As the head of the home, it’s your husband’s God-given responsibility to lead it. Encourage your husband to seek God’s wisdom and then stand by him, respecting his decisions. By encouraging him to seek God’s guidance, you are also encouraging him to draw closer to the Lord. By respecting and supporting him, it also shows your husband you have confidence in him that he is able to make wise, Godly decisions that are best for your home.
Remind your husband often that you trust him and his judgement. We display our trust in our husband by letting him take the lead in decision making and then standing by his side, supporting his decision...
This goes a long way with men. It will build up your husband’s confidence to hear how much they are valued and trusted. Just because a man gets married and gets the title of “head of the home” doesn’t mean he feels confident in his ability to lead. Some men are natural leaders and take to that position like ducks to water. Other men have to “grow” into that role. It doesn’t happen overnight but we, wives, can be extremely influential in helping that more reluctant man gain the confidence and assurance he needs to accept the role God has designated him to fulfill. We are commissioned by God to reverence or respect our husbands.
(Ephesians 5:33–Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.)
I was listening to Bro Dennis Heath preaching a message the other day --one thing he said that really stuck in my head--He said, "If you respect or reverence something or someone, you will value that object or that relationship." WOW! I have seen it both ways —women who respect their husbands and value that relationship between them and their spouse and those who are so blatantly disrespectful to their husbands and have no regard for that position for authority —there is a visible, drastic difference in the homes of these two types of women.
Always second guessing his decisions or talking down to him like he is stupid or incapable of making a good decision will never produce the kind of leader that God desires for your home to have. We, as women, must realize in order to follow God’s plan for marriage, we have to fully submit to our husbands. We must realize that God never intended for us ladies to take on the responsibilities of leading the home—that is solely our husbands’ job! In actuality, God knew that job would be way too heavy for us !! While it can be a scary proposition to relinquish all the control over to our husbands, we must trust God, first and foremost, that He knows what works best in a marriage. We must have faith that God is big enough to work on our husband. God doesn’t need our help. By making a conscious effort to just get our “wife part” right—being submissive to our husbands in everything, trusting God that He knows how to make our husbands into a strong leaders, and using our words/actions to affirm our trust and confidence in our men will achieve much more to help “build up” our husbands than if we continue to struggle with them for control. .
Don’t ever be caught talking negatively about your husband to other people (this means even with your own family, ladies!)
I know that sometimes you think that you are just venting to your dad/mom, your brother/sister, or close friend about something your husband did that just irked you!! Often, we, as wives, will find ourselves just venting in frustration/anger in the moment and forget about it later. We will get over our mad spell and our frustration. We end up making up with Hubby and everything is hunky-dorky again! But what we often fail to realize is that yeah, we may get over the perceived wrong that our husband did to us and go on like nothing ever happened, but more often than we realize, the stuff we told our family/friends about our husband in the heat of the moment, while we were upset with him, will linger in their minds for much longer... This is a huge reason some in-laws have such trouble with their son-in-laws. They dearly love their daughters and they can’t stand the the thought of “some guy“ treating them wrong. But you know as well as I do, if we are being totally honest, when we are upset, especially us women, it is so easy to feel like the victim! When we tell our side of the story, it is usually always with a slant that makes us look mistreated and unappreciated and makes the other person look like the “ bad guy”. But if the truth would really be told, we are both guilty! We both allowed the flesh to have too much control in our home and gave in to Satan’s temptation !!
Talking negatively to others about your spouse is one sure way to tear down your home. If you value your marriage at all, (unless there is some major issue in your home that requires pastoral or ministerial counseling or you both are being mentored by some Godly older couple) all the arguments/disagreements should stay inside the 4 walls of your own home. Your parents, siblings or friends do not need to know the details of a disagreement with your spouse. If you need to talk to someone after a disagreement, try talking to God first. I can almost guarantee you by doing this, it will greatly affect your own soul and often, that of your spouse as well.
On the flip side, a wonderful way to build up your husband is to Praise him publicly in front of other people but especially, in front of your children...
Praising your husband in front of your children not only lets your husband know you approve of him, it provides your children a positive example of how to treat your spouse. Praising their father for his victories and strengths instead of criticizing him for his mistakes and weaknesses will show your children how much you love and respect their daddy. We, as parents, are modeling a daily example of what marriage looks like to our children. Praising your spouse to others is a powerful way to help your husband realize how much you care and grateful you are to the Lord for him...
Our pastor has a saying — “you get more of what you praise...”
Dont forget to show your appreciation frequently. It is a great idea to often thank your husband for being a provider for your family. Let him know you see his hard work and appreciate all he does for your home. Every man wants to know he’s doing a good job of providing and protecting. Tell him how safe he makes you and the kids feel and how much you truly appreciate all he does for you. Thank him not only for the hard work he does at his job to provide but also, for always being there as a steady support to lean on when you are going through something. If you see him trying to lead your home spiritually, encourage him! Get behind him!! Support him!! Don’t buck against him!
Don’t rely your husband for your happiness!
I know that sounds counterintuitive. I know we should rely on our husbands for everything and as a husband, the man should strive to please his wife...but often, wives have very unrealistic expectations in their marriages. They expect their husbands to meet needs in their heart and soul that only Jesus truly can meet. Many expect that being close to their spouse will give them peace, joy, fulfillment, contentment and happiness.
Many women also believe it is their job to “fix that husband” if he “isn’t right” in their own eyes. I have found that this will never work! You can’t “change” your spouse by just bashing them over the head with words or by having a bad attitude yourself. If you want your husband to change, having a meek & quiet spirit, showering him with love and encouragement, and praying earnestly for your husband and your home will be the way to go.
Don’t let your spouse think your marriage was a mistake! I have seen a lot of couples get married hastily without much thought for the will of God. They imagine marital bliss beginning from the first “I do!” As it is in this fallen world, perfect endings (without any work!) are usually just reserved for fairytale storybooks. They quickly realize marriage isn’t anything like they envisioned it to be. Our pastor used to say all the time when we were teenagers, “Make sure about who you marry because when you marry Mr./Mrs. Wrong, he/she instantly becomes Mr./Mrs. Right, for better or worse, until death do you part”
Due to having a worldly mindset of dating, we often carry the baggage of regret and the baggage of the “what ifs” into our marriages... “what if I hadn’t married this guy?” “What would my life look like now?” “ What if I married that man instead?” By allowing those thoughts to dwell in our minds, we are allowing the enemy to gain ground in our homes!!
Dear Sisters, if you want a victorious, Godly home, you must allow God to kick all that baggage out the door of your mind. You need to pray through until God puts a genuine love for that man of yours in your heart. More than just the casual “I love you”... I’m talking about a powerful, unconditional, sacrificial, agape love —He is your man! You chose him! There are no exchanges or refunds!! Now, for better or worse, it’s time you get to work and build that husband up!! Yes, your home may not be where you want it right now. It may seem like a lost cause at times. Yes, you may see all your husband’s flaws, his faults and his failures, and likewise, I’m sure he can see all yours but with some hard work, and perseverance, God can take what was a mess and make it a miracle! He can give you a Godly home despite a rough beginning! He can use your struggles as a testimony of His keeping power! If you allow God to build your home, people will look at you in 10 to 20 years and they will never see the scars of past failures and mistakes, but rather they will see the God of all Glory that abides in your home!! He will receive the glory out of your testimony !! You may even be able to help other young couples going through similar struggles in ways others who have never been there could never help them!! Allow God to make your home more like Him!
Choose to love!!
One thing our pastor has taught consistently over the years is that love is a choice! It isn’t an just an emotion like most people think. Sometimes, you have grab yourself by the nape of the neck and tell yourself— I chose to love my husband today! We cannot allow emotions to dictate our actions. Have you ever heard someone say, “I just don’t love her anymore!” — that’s a sure sign of a person that is being ruled by their emotions. When you make a vow before God for better or for worse, there isn’t a phrase added in there — or until I don’t love them anymore.” NOooo!! That’s absurd! No one would say that in the beginning.
But if we aren’t careful, everyday life creeps in and before we know it, those initial giddy emotions fade... that’s when the real work in a home begins... when both husband and wife realize everyday when we get up in the morning, we need to look at that other person and think, I chose to love you today!! If you are constantly choosing that person over and over every day, eventually, your emotions will follow!!
It would even work wonders in your marriage to tell you spouse that on occasion, “Honey, I still do!! I chose you before and today, I choose you again! Together, we are going to make it with the Lord’s help!
Don’t give the Devil place in your home! Don’t fight the “what ifs” and don’t allow your spouse to fight the “what ifs”! Take that weapon out of the Devil’s hand! Choose your spouse again and again! Choose to love!
Show him that you still desire his presence
Just like we do, our husbands also need to feel wanted. Our husbands need to know we still want them—that we still desire them; not just in the bedroom but in every aspect of life as well. It may be as simple as welcoming our husband home by meeting him at the door with a smile, a hug and kiss and having the kids stop whatever they are doing to “welcome Daddy home.” Our husbands will know that they are genuinely valued by their family when we show them that they are missed when they are gone. Putting forth this little bit of extra effort will show them their presence is greatly desired in our homes.
Seek his opinion/advice
Asking for our husband’s opinion or his advice is a great way to show him that we value his opinion and show him what he thinks matters to you... it may be as simple as asking his opinion on a new rug or paint color, or as complex as asking for his advice on a difficult situation with a friend or family member. Men are often more logical than we women are. They are often able to look at a problem or a dilemma from a complete different angle. They can offer solutions or advice that we may never have thought to consider.
Be your husband biggest fan
When your husband makes a mistake, or has failed at something, don’t rub it in or say “I told you so”— our job as a wife is to be a safe place for our husbands to run to. We must let them know that their failures don’t define them in our eyes nor in the eyes of God. Everyone makes mistakes from time to time...Failing at something doesn’t mean you are a failure! As long as you don’t quit trying, to FAIL just means it’s your :
F -irst
A -ttempt
I -n
L -earning
The way we handle our husband during his discouraging, vulnerable moments are some of the most crucial opportunities we will ever have as a wife. We must not add “fuel to fire 🔥” by heaping on our husband even more guilt and blame! It is during these times that we must be slow to speak. We must have the Spirit actively dwelling in our hearts. We must allow Him to work through us to minister to our husbands through our kindness and our gentle words. The Word of God is completely full of instruction on this, stressing the importance of having a kind spirit and gentle words.
Believe this, dear sisters, you are a powerhouse of influence in your home when you are fulfilling the Bible's direction for your role as a Godly wife. Having a sweet and gentle spirit and having your words seasoned with grace can be the very thing that God uses to "build your husband" up!
Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop: but a good word maketh it glad.
Proverbs 15:4
A wholesome tongue is a tree of life: but perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit.
As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith.
Ephesians 4:29 - Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
Proverbs 16:24 - Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.
Proverbs 15:1 - A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.
Ephesians 4:29 - Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 - Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.
Job 4:4 - Thy words have upholden him that was falling, and thou hast strengthened the feeble knees.
Proverbs 25:11 - A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.
Colossians 4:6 - Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.
Proverbs 15:23 - A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: and a word spoken in due season, how good is it!
Psalms 19:14 - Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.
1 Peter 3:15 - But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear:
-Tiphanie ❤️
Sooo wonderful said ❤️🙏