This was just some extra random notes and ramblings I had written down when I did the marriage study a few weeks ago. I didn’t find a place to fit it in in the other articles due to trying to be conscientious of longevity. I was going to save them for a later marriage post, but I decided to go ahead and post them collectively as just extra “leftovers” ( We eat leftovers at my house! Lol!)…I hope they aren’t too scattered. 😉
As a newly married couple, thinking as WE, instead of ME is the first step to becoming one. This transition doesn’t happen overnight. There is a lot of learning to be done on both sides — In time, both spouses will mature to become better people together, striving to bring glory to God in their everyday walk. Marriage, in essence, is two completely different and unique individuals coming together in the Lord to build something bigger and better together that they could have never build alone. They become one unit for a bigger purpose. To successfully do that requires changing the mindset from being a single individual to seeing your marriage as two people working together as one team...
When you get married, you play to each other’s strengths and balance out each other’s weaknesses. What my husband is weak in, I may be stronger in— yet my weaknesses are his strengths!! Allow God to work that balance to your advantage in your marriage.
Contrary to popular belief among young people, being married won’t automatically make your life complete. You and your spouse will instead complement each other as God works on you both. A common misperception I seen among young couples is that once they are married, they think - Now my life can finally start! This is my fairytale ending! My new husband/wife will make me happy and they will complete me.”
Unfortunately, that usually isn’t the case. It is selfish to put all those expectations and pressure on your spouse. It is a recipe for failure. Your spouse isn’t responsible for your happiness! You may be shocked to realize that you need to take responsibility for your own spiritual growth and emotional well-being even after saying “I Do!!” Often, we live as if our husbands are responsible for us and as if we are responsible for them!! We get it backwards! We must remember:
* The wife is responsible for herself.
* The husband is responsible for himself.
(Disclaimer: the husband, however, is the God given authority over the home. He will stand before God one day and give account of what he allowed or didn’t. I’m not discounting the role God has given the man here. He IS ultimately responsible for the home! I’m simply stating that your husband cannot satisfy what only God can satisfy in your longing heart. Some things are simply “beyond him”. Only God can complete us, give us that
“joy of our salvation” and that peace that “passes understanding” and make our souls whole!! Our husband can, however, encourage spiritual growth in our hearts and our homes, and safe guard the boundaries to keep out the enemy and his traps! )
No one can rob us of the peace, love and joy of Christ. Those things are ours unless we chose to give them up. Your spouse cannot keep you from experiencing God’s joy—no matter what happens in your life. They cannot steal the peace Jesus has given to you – not unless you allow them to. We have the power to keep these things if we abide in Christ and His Spirit flows in us. We often place the blame on our spouse for our own reactions or our circumstances. But in reality, it is usually a result of our own negligence in prayer and devotion to God. Our reactions are because of our own lacking spirituality. our actions often tell on us!!
Our pastor taught on “Wrong expectations” many years ago. I have held on to that teaching through the years and I have had to apply it time and time again in a variety of situations and relationships. Wrong expectations are often the main root of marital discord. I thought he would do...(fill...in..blank!) or she should have done (fill...in..blank!)... It’s so true in troubled marriages! The husband always knows how the wife should act and the wife always knows exactly how the husband should act. But in reality, neither one of them knows what it is like to “walk in that other spouse’s shoes”… Ever heard the old saying, “Easier said than done”? There is so much truth in that saying. It’s easy to set a ton of expectations, but it is much harder to live up to those expectations… After a while of failing to live up to the expectations and disappointing your spouse, a lot of times the failing spouse just gets discouraged and feels like “what’s the use? I’ll never be good enough!”
By getting rid of expectations or at least, setting right expectations, we can have a much happier existence. Reasonable marital expectations should be set according to God’s Word. In a calm and prayerful manner, you and your spouse should sit down and discuss what each of your expectations are for each other. (making sure God’s Word is your guideline!) You cannot your spouse to be a “mind reader” and just know what you expect from him. Or likewise, he from you. Communication is key to taking a lot of “weapons” out of the Devil’s hands. “By laying it all out on the table” and telling your spouse what you need/expect from him, and he with you, you all may be pleasantly surprised at the results.
While it may seem awkward at first, don’t give up. Talking calmly about your issues or what you are lacking in will allow your spouse to see how best to “love/please you”. Despite what some women may think, our husbands (well, at least, most of them especially if they are God fearing men) do want to make us happy and to please us. But if we always have a critical spirit and “shoot down” whatever they try to do for us, is it any wonder that our husbands often just quit trying??
Your spouse may not do things just to your liking. They are not YOU! They are them!! That’s okay. That’s what makes everybody special and unique. But if you prefer something done a certain way or you like to be “loved” a certain way, don’t expect your husband to just miraculously figure it out. You have to communicate exactly how you would like things to be. Likewise, he should be able to communicate the same to you without one or both of you taking offense. Be humble … Pride is what makes people take offense, anyway.
Be teachable! It’s ok to grow and learn how to do something differently if it will please your spouse more.
Communication is your best friend in marriage. If you learn to communicate early on, there isn’t any problem or issue you all won’t able to work through. Our marriages may not be perfect but we can allow God to “perfect” us (work on us!) through our marriages. Remember, God wanted marriage to be an avenue to bring us joy while giving Him Glory!!
Maintaining a marriage
done the Bible way
is an act of worship!!
Constant arguing and contention
sure don’t bring Him glory!!
He gets no pleasure out of the works of the flesh (because that’s what category that arguing, bickering, anger, discontentment, resentment, jealousy, selfishness, withholding yourself from your spouse, etc. falls in. )
We must return unto the altar and ask God to restore our commitment to Him first and foremost, ( if we want to please God, we will want to please each other!) and to restore our commitment to the marriage He has blessed us with…
Food for thought:
What kind of worship are offering to God through your marriage ?
-Tiphanie ❤️
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