Too many times, we all fall short in making our marriages top priority in our lives. In today's world, we stay so busy. There are so many responsibilities that we must fulfill (and then, that's not even mentioning all the other things like distractions that vie for our time and attention. ) Too often, we give out and give out and then, as a result, there's very little left at the end of the day for our spouse.
We sometimes are guilty of getting our priorities out of whack. In the "priority lineup", God intended for my husband to come in second only to my commitment to Him. Besides being a Christian, my next priority must be my husband. I am a wife before I am anything else. Yep, you heard that right. My husband takes precedent even over my kids. Of course, I'm not advocating neglecting my children. I care for my kids and provide for their needs but I have always believed that it was my job to show the kids (by my example) that Dad is #1 priority in Mom's life. ( I wrote more on this topic here in this post...https://tiphaniesizemore.wixsite.com/mysite/post/quality-time-in-a-marriage )
Our husbands, despite their tough demeanor, need our attention. They need to see our love in action in how we respond to them. We can say we love our spouse but if we constantly seem too busy to take time to spend with them, always put their needs last on our never ending to-do list, or constantly nag them or belittle them, our actions frequently tells them the opposite of what we proclaim with our mouths....that we don't really care as much as we say we do.
“My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.” 1 John 3:18
If we want to make our husbands and our marriages a top priority, we must be purposeful everyday. We must make a conscious effort to work on our marriage and show our husbands our love in action.
It's the little things that make the biggest impact. A kind word. A thoughtful gesture. A favorite meal. A much needed word of encouragement. A love note in his lunchbox. A random text to let him know he was on my mind. A unexpected hug. A word of appreciation for all he does do. It is holding my tongue when I want to lash out in anger. It's respecting his options. It's honoring him as head of the home. It's an enthusiastic response to his desire (even if I'm tired or not "in the mood" myself). It's sacrificing my own self for the betterment of my mate.
In order to make big changes in our hearts and in our homes, we have to start out small. We can't magically make our marriage picture perfect overnight. It takes years and years of hard work and intentional action. But remember each small act that you do and each word you say to build up your marriage will help cultivate a God honoring, delight filled marriage.
Years ago, one elderly preacher counseled my husband and a group of his friends (when they were teens) "to make sure they chose wisely" in their pursuit of a mate. He told them, " Boys, if you chose wisely, marriage can be the closest thing to Heaven this side of Glory; but if you chose badly, it can also be the closest thing to Hell. You will live a miserable life!" Wow 😮 -- what advice! But oh so true-- it really stuck with my husband too.
Proverbs 12:4 ---“A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones
Marriage can be hard, but it is oh so rewarding! I will be the first one to admit that young love can be a bit naive. You have these visions of marriage in your head as a young teen, but rarely are those dreamy expectations really accurate. The first few years are the foundational years. You really have to work hard to learn each other (and forbear, at times even! Lol)
and to find your place as a married person instead of a single person. Some people have more difficulty with this stage than others, but nevertheless, it is part of the process.
Then you have the crazy stage lol 😂 when the kiddos start arriving. You both are exhausted and almost shell shocked that a tiny baby can disrupt life so much !! This can be a dangerous stage to the marriage, however. If you don't work hard in this stage, it can be the catalyst that derails the future happiness and strength of your marriage.
Why is that? Because when you are tired, exhausted, and drained from all the newly added responsibilities (not to mention, the toil pregnancies [and nursing if applicable] takes on your body), It takes more work than ever to maintain your marriage. You can't neglect your spouse despite your own weariness. You must be intentional (even if you have to physically force yourself -- even if you have to schedule/plan quality time and intimacy during this stage, Do it!!) Don't stop working on your marriage!
It's still in the crucial foundation stage -- you are now working on the next level of your home-- being parents! It is vital that you and your spouse have good communication and a healthy relationship. It sets the tone for everything else, including how your children will perceive marriage themselves in the future! If you lose the connection to your mate here, communication will drastically decrease and problems will arise. It is essential that you and your spouse are diligent and aware of this. If you both wish to have a Godly home, communication, understanding, and patience is key! You can't allow present circumstances to deter your marriage building. Children grow up -- but your spouse and your marriage is still going to be there.... work hard to make your marriage "Heaven on earth".
As the kids grow up a bit and become more independent, gradually their reliance on you for their every need reduces. Now, you can be even more free to dote on your spouse. Believe me, all those times when you don't think all your efforts are doing anything, keep going !! It is working! A garden doesn't bloom overnight. It takes time, effort, and patience.
Sometimes, you just have to keep "planting" in faith-- or 'plowing in hope' as the Bible puts it in one passage--that one day, you are gonna reap a bountiful harvest.
When you plant the right kind of things in your home and in your marriage, in due time, you are going to benefit from all your hard work!!
“And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” Galatians 6:9
As the years go by, if you will "labor in the field" and will plant and plow away, your resulting yield will begin to grow and grow each passing season. If you actively seek to please God in the way you honor and serve your spouse, He can't help but bless it... it's His Word and His promise!
God's design was for marriage was for it to be something enjoyed -- not something just to be endured!!
Here's a few passages to just prove that...
“Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth". Proverbs 5:18
“Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun.” Eccles 9:9
“The grace of a wife delighteth her husband, and her discretion will fat his bones.” Eccles 26:13
“House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD.” Proverbs 19:14
"Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.” Proverbs 18:22
God wants us to enjoy our relationship with our spouse. His intent was for us to delight in each other.
Definition:
Delight: extreme pleasure or satisfaction : JOY
: something that gives great pleasure
When was the last time you experienced extreme pleasure, satisfaction, or joy simply because due to the fact that your spouse belongs to you? Have you ever just took a moment to enjoy the blessing of your spouse ? Overlook their flaws for a minute, (you have plenty too!) and take a moment to appreciate their strengths. Make it a habit to do this regularly -- if you focus on the positive, the negative things shrink in comparison. The good will outweigh the bad.
Gratitude for what you have will turn what you have into enough...
In December, My husband and I celebrated 15 years of marriage (16 years of being together!)-- We have been through some tough and trying things in the last 15 years but by God's grace, we have allowed those struggles to make us better instead of making us bitter.
When we got married, we purposed in our hearts to try our "hardest best" to follow God's blueprint for marriage. Has it always been easy? Absolutely not. Have we both messed up and failed at times? For sure! But we wanted God's blessings on our home and we were willing to get back up, dust ourselves off, and try again.
(Funny story-- when either of us "mess up" and do/ say the wrong thing, we have this "inside" joke in our home--- we will apologize and ask the other person if we can "try again".... this simple phrase "Can I try again?" has defused more than one disagreement.
To us, when the other person (the offending party) says this phrase to the victim, they are essentially saying-- "whoops. I recognize that I messed up. I own that. It's on me-- my bad! I should have handled that differently. I'm sorry. I'm willing to correct my actions and start over if you are willing to give a chance to correct my mistake.") This simple phrase has been a powerful marriage building tool in our arsenal!
(In case you didn't know it already!! lol !! 😜❤️)
I dearly love my husband! We were just talking the other day. My husband told me that he loves me more today than he ever has. He didn't know it was even possible --how could he love me more? but each day, he just does! He loves me even more than the day before! 🥹❤️ I too stand in awe of this phenomenon. It's so crazy! But it is 100% true. I feel the same way about him. When you work together hand in hand to build a marriage upon Christ, there is such peace and harmony. The Love of God just flows.
Note: Does that mean that it's all rainbows and sprinkles around here? Nope! We are human and we make mistakes and get on each other's nerves at times. Occasionally, we even disagree but when that happens, the issue is quickly resolved and put away. We don't let it linger...We both recognize the fragile state of unity and we are working too hard on our home to allow the enemy to destroy it through discord.
“I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called, with all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:1-3
It's the little things that come through years of loving and working together to build up our home in Christ....
It is years of being by each other's side during financial difficulties, in sickness, during the miscarriage of our precious baby, through multiple surgeries (me!🤚🏼lol ), during layoffs, through many spiritual battles, through mountaintops and through valleys. It's years of companionship. It's unconditional love. It's earned trust and respect. It's safety and security. It's total commitment. It is faithfulness. It's delighting in each other!! It is having fun with each other! It is being each others'
"person"! It is two becoming one! It is being able to almost read each other's thoughts. It's completing each others' sentences. It is genuine care and compassion for each other. It is the funny inside jokes that just two of us know. It is laughter. It is tears.
It is choosing to love each day and being loved in return!
It is a piece of Heaven on earth.....
(There is nothing like being in a crowded room and watching my husband see or experience something for the first time and observe him immediately glance around to find me --to watch his eyes search for mine. Whatever he sees, hears, or experiences, he wants to share it with me first. That is something that doesn't come automatically-- it is something that is built over time. It is something that God puts there. It is something I dearly, dearly cherish! )
Those laborous years of planting and plowing are starting to bear much fruit. There is such comfort and companionship in our home...In his arms, there is refuge and strength. I know if I can make it to him, everything will be okay. Outside the Lord, my spouse is my everything.
There is no one on earth who is rather be with than my husband. Is he perfect? No (but close. lol 😉) but years ago, I purposed to not dwell on the negative but focus on the positive.
If you have read much of my blog, you know that I highly advocate for the book-- Created to be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl. This book inspired me as a young wife to focus solely on my responsibilities to be the best wife I could possibly be and trust God to work on my husband.
It wasn't my job to criticize, nag, or try to make him into something or someone he wasn't --- Nope! It was my job to be his wife and that was it. Being the right kind of helpmeet myself would enable my husband to have the best possible opportunity for God to make him into the best husband and leader he could be.
And boy, has God sure done that! He has proven He can be trusted and the Bible works!! My husband has grown leaps and bounds in the last 15 years. He has become a solid Godly man of character, integrity, and commitment. He is well respected in general but every more importantly, I, myself, deeply respect him. I value his wisdom. I respect his opinion, his leadership, and his decisions. He understands the awesome responsibility of being the head of the household (a job he takes very seriously). It's not being in authority-- it's being under authority-- to God. Because he recognizes that, he leads us, as his family, accordingly--in the ways of the Lord.
Those of you who actually know us personally know my husband has always been kind of reserved -- especially in public-- but in recent years, he has really been stepping out of his comfort zone and pushing himself to do more.
He isn't swayed by popular opinion or even by what folks think of him. He will do what is right in spite of opposition. He isn't afraid to be different or to stand out. If he truly believe in something, then he will take a stand on it, even if it means standing alone. . In my book, there isn't any man better! I am so very proud to be his wife! I am honored that God chose me to be his helpmeet.
We have been sowing for the last 15 years and are now reaping a bountiful harvest of love. We are living proof that God's way works. We aren't perfect--far from it.... we are just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other....and with God, all things are possible. You can have a happy, healthy, victorious marriage even in today's corrupt society.
You don't have to struggle, fight, deal with immorality, and infidelity. God is bigger than all that! This world needs to see more marriages being built on the Rock, Christ Jesus. He is a firm foundation that won't slip or crumble.
A marriage built on Him will stand come what may. He is the cornerstone. He is THE master builder! He created marriage and He knows what works. Isn't it time we just surrender and trust Him? If we do our part and He is faithful to do His. Later, we can look back and see where His hand was at work. Our marriages can be beacons of hope shining out to this lost and dying world.
We can be happy in our home! It doesn't have to be drudgery or duty! It can be a delight! We just have to be intentional in making an effort to make our marriage a top priority. It's spending time cultivating it-- watering the seeds we have already planted, fertilizing them with prayer, planting some more, and plucking out the weeds so those precious seeds can grow unhindered...then we just have to wait on God to add the increase.
So then neither is he that planteth any thing, neither he that watereth; but God that giveth the increase. I Corinthians 3:7
Has anybody got an extra pair of gardening gloves?
I believe I am gonna go do some "gardening" ... 😉
From my heart to yours,
-Tiphanie💕
Extra verses---
“I have planted, Apollos watered; but God gave the increase. So then neither is he that planteth any thing, neither he that watereth; but God that giveth the increase. Now he that planteth and he that watereth are one: and every man shall receive his own reward according to his own labour. For we are labourers together with God: ye are God's husbandry, ye are God's building.
According to the grace of God which is given unto me, as a wise masterbuilder, I have laid the foundation, and another buildeth thereon. But let every man take heed how he buildeth thereupon. For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ.”
“Now if any man build upon this foundation gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, stubble; every man's work shall be made manifest: for the day shall declare it, because it shall be revealed by fire; and the fire shall try every man's work of what sort it is.
If any man's work abide which he hath built thereupon, he shall receive a reward.
If any man's work shall be burned, he shall suffer loss: but he himself shall be saved; yet so as by fire.”
1 Corinthians 3:6-15
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