Fellowship/Hospitality: PART 1: Is it a Lost Art?

( This post is part 1 of a 3 part series I did on this topic several years ago but I feel bears repeating….

This week’s topic is one I feel like is frequently overlooked and not given the attention it deserves. It is something that we often neglect in our everyday lives (howbeit, with consequences that we have yet to fully realize). Today’s topic is that of the importance of fellowship and hospitality… and how we must work hard to preserve this heritage for our children—so let’s jump into this…

In the generations before us, fellowship and hospitality was a given. It was a way of life. The towns across rural America had such a close knit connection among their citizens. Everyone looked out for everyone else. Kids were safe to play without constant adult supervision. People genuinely cared about their neighbors and their friends. They were involved in their everyday life. They were there in the good times; they were there in the bad times. For better or for worse wasn't just a phrase added at the end of marriage vows. It was everyone’s mantra.

People didn’t have to going 100 miles a hour. They were content to just BE STILL at times and enjoy the simple things in life. It was a way of living in those days. People had such a kinship— a close fellowship and connection one with another.

I read an article the other day about the “lost art of ‘porch sitting’ ” As this lady recounted as she drove back home to her hometown for a visit, she passed house after house with beautifully decorated porches complete with big, nice rockers and patio furniture but all but a few of these porches were empty…(a few people over 60 years of age were indeed enjoying their ‘porch’ ) As she thought about that, she began to reminisce about days gone by. Here were her thoughts :

I realized in that moment that porch sittin’ is an art. It is one of those things that is passed down from one generation to the next by doing it…not talking about it.

Porch sitting is a way of life that forces people to sit down and just be still.

Front porch sittin’ is slow and easy.

It’s not time for rushing around,

Or looking at our phones,

Or stressing out over things that can’t be changed.

It’s a time to unwind and relax. It’s the time when most things that truly matter get done… by doing nothing at all.

Swings sway in the breeze and rocking chairs creak to and fro as men and women sit silently in them enjoying this simple pleasure. Porch sitting has a way of reminding folks that they are truly living. It reminds them that they are alive. It reminds them to think, pray, and remember. It brings balance and peace. It also teaches lessons that can’t be learned anywhere else.

My generation sure could learn a thing or two from those old timers. We need to spend more time front porch sittin’ and less time on the move. We need to teach our children how to just be still; so that they can teach our grandkids long after we are all gone. We need to learn to slow down before falling (exhausted) into bed at night. We need to learn how to talk about things face to face (both good and bad). We need to laugh at the mishaps that befall us throughout the day. We need to create memories that will last a lifetime. Investing time into our homes and families by just being together doing nothing at all is what it’s all about.

Yep, I believe that Front Porch Sittin’ is a lost art that should be saved. We still have the knack for making our porches look comfy and inviting…we know how to lay out the welcome mat…we just need to take the time to actually sit on our porches and live a little more every day.

I’ve been told that I have an old soul…and maybe that’s true. One thing I know for sure: I was a front porch sitter when I was young and I’ll be a front porch sitter when I’m old. Some things are just too good to ever give up. — Emily Hubbert Webb

Wow. There is a lot of wisdom there in those few words… but I digress, let’s continue on…

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Our grandmamas and our mamas knew the importance of fellowship and camaraderie. As a child, our home always had an open door policy. It was a common occurrence for Mom to set an extra place at the table unexpectantly. Many a night, friends or family members dropped by and ended up joining us in sharing a meal and sitting around talking and fellowshipping afterward. I have wonderful memories of many of those evenings in the company of our friends/family.

Our grandparents and parents realized God created mankind with a need for social interaction with those around them. Remember the old saying…No man is an island…That’s so true. We need those personal connections. We need fellowship.

Looking back over my life as a whole, I can see that times have changed dramatically. Family and relationships are no longer as much of a priority in our everyday routines. Collectively, we have become so busy that we often have NO time to stop and focus on the most important things of life--God first and foremost, and then those we love. While online outlets, texting, and the such have their place (when used as a tool), their misuse in our society has contributed to the weakening of the communication in relationships. The easy access to technology has deleted the need to go to Grandmas or Moms for advice anymore. Why ask when Google is right there in your hand? Like we discussed above, People used to set around on those “front porches” of the evenings across small town America and discuss religion, politics, child rearing, recipes and the such face to face with family, friends, and neighbors. They were a tight knit community --everyone didn't always hold the same beliefs, but they agreed to disagree and were at least respectful to those who didn't believe as they did. Now in our society, our porches are empty of fellowshipping neighbors and friends. Instead, people sit inside behind a digital screen to discuss the issues of life. Because an online relationship/friendship is much less personal, it is very easy to say hurtful and divisive things. People have lost respect for each other and no longer are content to "agree to disagree" for the sake of unity and peace. People will fly into a rage if your theology, philosophy, beliefs, or opinions differ from their own...

So, I realize that times have indeed changed...and not all for the better...As I get older, I have found myself longing once again for those simpler times of fun and fellowship surrounded by people I love... There is something so appealing about opening up your heart and home to another individual or another family...

I sure do NOT claim to an expert nor am I even "there yet" still...This is a topic that I have struggled with myself. Don’t get me wrong— I LOVE fellowship!! I even enjoy hosting but there always used to be some reason (excuse) for not actually doing it. I love planning events. I have no trouble throwing together a big get together, a party, or a shower in a large setting for lots of people but actually hosting another family one on one in our home (where we have to carry the conversation alone) seemed daunting to my husband and I. Thus, it was something we shied away from for years. Having a tight budget was an excuse that I often fell back on. (more on excuses in an upcoming post)

Another excuse that often held me back in hosting at my house was I felt my house wasn’t clean enough or good enough. I had trouble maintaining a “company ready” appearance at a moment’s notice. After a lot of missed opportunities, I realized that I was tired of always having a messy house. I wanted to be able to have an “open door” policy to anyone who wanted to stop by (especially with little to no notice). I didn’t want to be stressed or to be frazzled. I wanted to be able be hospitable and welcoming to all — I wanted to to enjoy the fellowship of others in MY HOME.

If Covid taught me anything, it was that I NEEDED interaction with people more than I ever thought I did. Before Covid, I was becoming quite the hermit. LOL 😂— I was perfectly content in my own home with just my little family. But after months of isolation and no fellowship at all, I realized just how important fellowship is to our souls. God himself put a great emphasis on fellowshipping with those of like precious faith…

Just to highlight a few verses on the subject…..

1 Peter 4:9 Use hospitality one to another without grudging.

Psalm 133:1

Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!

Acts 2:42,46-47

[42] And they continued stedfastly in the apostles' doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayers. [46] And they, continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, did eat their meat with gladness and singleness of heart, [47] Praising God, and having favour with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily such as should be saved.

1 Thessalonians 5:11-13 KJV

[11] Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do. [12] And we beseech you, brethren, to know them which labour among you, and are over you in the Lord, and admonish you; [13] And to esteem them very highly in love for their work's sake. And be at peace among yourselves.

1 John 1:7 KJV

[7] But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.

1 John 1:3

3 That which we have seen and heard declare we unto you, that ye also may have fellowship with us: and truly our fellowship is with the Father, and with his Son Jesus Christ.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

9 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. 10 For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. 11 Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? 12 And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Matthew 18:20

20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

Hebrews 10:24-25

24 And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: 25 Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.

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It is important that we fellowship (or hang out if you will) with the right kind of people. ( I mean super close personal friendship/fellowship here. Evangelism and missionary outreach is a completely different topic of which we all should strive to do more of.)

We can be good to lost folks; We can help them and show them the love of God, but our best, closest friends can’t be sinners. We must have close companionship with only those who share our same spiritual values and our same vision. The type of people we hang out with will greatly influence our own spiritual perspective. If we hang out with carnal folks, we too will eventually become more carnal. Likewise, if we become close to those who are pursuing Godliness, we will benefit from their experience and their desires. Our own spiritual life will grow in a greater way as a result of the company we keep if they are seeking to become Christlike as well.

Proverbs 27:17

17 Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend

So we must choose our close companions wisely… we must seek out those folks who are either more mature than we are spiritually or those who are visibly hungry for a closer walk with God as well. That’s the kind of people who will encourage us and uplift us in our own pursuit of God.

I have been around some people who, after leaving their presence, made me hunger for more of God. They almost glowed with His “glory”. Their homes radiated such a peaceful atmosphere. You could feel that the presence of God actually dwelt in their home. I wanted the anointing and glory that rested on their lives as well. There are some people that I could just sit and listen to them talk for hours. I love to hear their experiences and glean from their knowledge and wisdom of life. These people are so precious to me. I am a better person for having been touched by their lives.

There are other people that I have been around that have the opposite effect. They are always negative or moody. You never know if they are approachable or not that day. They live in a constant state of turmoil, anguish, or drama. These people are not a pleasure to be around nor do they inspire anyone to be a better person in the Lord. Despite professing salvation, they rarely mention God in conversation, nor do they live their daily lives according to His Word. They never offer an encouraging word nor do they seemingly notice the pain/hurt/burden of the person sitting across the aisle from them—Life revolves around them. They are content being where they are spiritually and have no vision to climb higher in God. They are not the best company to enjoy because they are constantly pulling others down to their level, instead of building them up to God’s level.

So to recap, Friends ARE important. Fellowship is important. The enemy (especially with all this COVID stuff) has used isolation and division to his advantage. We have become okay with not fellowshipping with others. Oh yeah, at first, the social distancing/ “NO get-togethers” thing hurt and bothered us but now, we have adjusted to the new normal and when the pastor announces a fellowship or an outing, more often than not, we try to find an excuse to avoid attending or if that isn’t possible, we approach it with dread.

Why is that??

We have allowed the enemy to cause divisions and to drive wedges between us as brothers and sisters in our churches. We like feeling like the victim; we like nursing hurt and resentment so we hang on to it. We know the Bible says not to. We know it says to forgive so we can be forgiven by God. We know the Bible plainly talks about harboring “oughts” and gives us explicit instructions on how to take care of those problems but we refuse to do the Word of God. So, because we refuse to get the problem fixed, we deny there is even a problem in the first place. We know that if we acknowledge that there IS a problem, by default, we would have to do something about it. So we are kinda in this weird state of stagnancy as a church; we can’t move forward until those problems are dealt with and not denied.

Wow… how did I get here? lol 😂 I was just talking about the importance of fellowship among believers!

The Bible tells us in 1 John 3:14-19 :

[14] We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren. He that loveth not his brother abideth in death. [15] Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him. [16] Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren. [17] But whoso hath this world's good, and seeth his brother have need, and shutteth up his bowels of compassion from him, how dwelleth the love of God in him? [18] My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth. [19] And hereby we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before him.

If we can’t stand Sister So and So, or just the thought of Bro “what’s his name” makes our blood boil…Dear Sister, there is a major heart problem… No, not in that other person, but in US! We must look in the mirror…. and self examine…

That old kids' song that they used to sing holds much truth …"Not my brother, not my sister, but it’s me oh Lord…Standing in the need of prayer."

We can only fix us. We can’t fix Sister So and So. But we can get things right on our side and trust God to work on her heart if necessary. Harboring resentment and nursing grudges will flat DESTROY a church. God can’t have liberty to move where there is sin. Grudges ARE still SIN!! We must allow the spotlight of Heaven to search our hearts and allow the merciful hand of God to perform “heart surgery” on us. There may be some heart defects in there that He needs to work on.

Psalm 139 is a wonderful self examination/diagnosis tool —

Psalm 139:1-24 KJV

[1] O Lord, thou hast searched me, and known me. [2] Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off. [3] Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways. [4] For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O Lord, thou knowest it altogether. [5] Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me. [6] Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it. [7] Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? [8] If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. [9] If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; [10] Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. [11] If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me. [12] Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee. [13] For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb. [14] I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. [15] My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. [16] Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them. [17] How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! [18] If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee. [19] Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God: depart from me therefore, ye bloody men. [20] For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain. [21] Do not I hate them, O Lord, that hate thee? and am not I grieved with those that rise up against thee? [22] I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies. [23] Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: [24] And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 13:5

[5] Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates?

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We need to “get things made right” with people in our churches so God can once again have liberty to move among us … We are living in the last days. There isn’t any hurt, resentment, bitterness, hatred, or anger that is worth hanging onto and missing Heaven for.

Despite what the Devil has whispered in our minds and in our thoughts, We NEED each other! We were MADE to enjoy fellowship with like minded people. God delights in a unified people with one common goal of pleasing Him. We may all be different and we all may have our own opinions, insecurities, problems, and issues, but we are all part of the “body” of Christ.

Here are some vital Scripture verses to help remind us that God intended for us to be “one body” —having different roles but still vital collectively as a whole!!

1 Corinthians 12:12,14-27

[12] For as the body is one, and hath many members, and all the members of that one body, being many, are one body: so also is Christ. [14] For the body is not one member, but many. [15] If the foot shall say, Because I am not the hand, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? [16] And if the ear shall say, Because I am not the eye, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? [17] If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where were the smelling? [18] But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him. [19] And if they were all one member, where were the body? [20] But now are they many members, yet but one body. [21] And the eye cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of thee: nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of you. [22] Nay, much more those members of the body, which seem to be more feeble, are necessary: [23] And those members of the body, which we think to be less honourable, upon these we bestow more abundant honour; and our uncomely parts have more abundant comeliness. [24] For our comely parts have no need: but God hath tempered the body together, having given more abundant honour to that part which lacked: [25] That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another. [26] And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it. [27] Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular.

Romans 12:4-10,16-21

[4] For as we have many members in one body, and all members have not the same office: [5] So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another. [6] Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, whether prophecy, let us prophesy according to the proportion of faith; [7] Or ministry, let us wait on our ministering: or he that teacheth, on teaching; [8] Or he that exhorteth, on exhortation: he that giveth, let him do it with simplicity; he that ruleth, with diligence; he that sheweth mercy, with cheerfulness. [9] Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. [10] Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another; [16] Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits. [17] Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. [18] If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. [19] Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. [20] Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. [21] Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

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We must not allow Satan to steal or distort our relationships with those we labor among. We are stronger together. We need each other!! That principle is reiterated over and over again in Scripture. We can’t allow divisions and “cliques” to separate and distance us from those in OUR CHURCH! ⛪️ — There are no big “I”s and little “you”s in the family of God. There are no condescending attitudes. There is no pride and unforgiveness but rather, there is love, forgiveness, grace, long suffering, patience, kindness and the such that are pleasing to God Almighty…. We must get back to obedience to His Word and allow His Spirit to regenerate our sinful hearts and put HIS love back down in our hearts one toward another.

Ephesians 4:32

And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

Romans 12:10

[10] Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;

Romans 12:16

Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate…

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Let’s take back some things that the Devil has tried to steal from us as the people of God.

Let’s take back fellowship, brotherly love, hospitality, and let’s allow the Lord to restore some of those relationships that seem strained or fractured now. God is still in the restoration business. There is no relationship that is too broken or too far gone that God can't heal and mend. He can take those broken and shattered pieces and make them just like new. He can restore what the enemy has tried to destroy...but only if we humble ourselves and let HIM...we have to be the ones to give the pieces TO Him.

(If you haven't already read it, go read my mother-in-law and my story--We are living proof that he can and will restore relationships! Link down below )

From my heart to yours,

--Tiphanie❤️

⬇️ ⬇️ I love this poem ! ⬇️ ⬇️

The Front Porch

Oh how I long for the days when everyone had a front porch. The days when people were social in a friendly, and wonderful kind of way. When people enjoyed conversation with their neighbors. Where picket fences where made for visiting and where children would play.

Oh how I long for the days when everyone had a front porch. A porch with swings to sit and sway with their love, a porch that everyone saw first with wonderful chairs or rockers where one could sit a spell with a cold glass of sweet tea or lemonade to quench their thirst.

Oh how I long for the days when everyone had a front porch. A porch where those walking on the sidewalk in front could wave and happily greet those who rested. A porch where people were welcome to stop and visit a bit. A porch where friendliness resided and families gathered where happy stories were tested.

Oh how I long for the days when everyone had a front porch. A porch where conversation was shared, and everyone was heard. A porch where friends were close and families even closer. A porch where “together”was almost a verb.

Oh how I long for the days when everyone had a front porch. A place to observe the butterflies and birds. A place where sunsets where enjoyed and locusts heard. A place where fireflies danced in the cool evening breezes that brought wafts of the wonderful flower fragrances that pleases.

Oh how I long for the days when everyone had a front porch. A place to dream and share. A place to listen to the pitter patter of the Spring rains, and to watch the strike of the lightnings glare. A porch where lovers held hands, and families laughed and joked. A porch where one could one could watch as the land was soaked.

Maybe it is time that everyone have a front porch. A porch to help this nation find again in this day. A place where families are close and marriages even closer. A place where everyone worked at it and wanted to stay. A place where love abounded and caring prevailed. A place where friendships were forged and evil failed. Maybe if we all hung out on front porches like way back when, we could find places and people and relationships can be good once again. —Debbie Howard