In ancient Greece, Socrates the famous philosopher was visited by an acquaintance of his. Eager to share some juicy gossip, the man asked if Socrates would like to know the story he’d just heard about a friend of theirs. Socrates replied that before the man spoke, he needed to pass the “Triple-Filter” test. The first filter, he explained, is Truth. “Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to say is true?” The man shook his head. “No, I actually just heard about it, and …” Socrates cut him off. “You don’t know for certain that it is true, then. Is what you want to say something good or kind?” Again, the man shook his head. “No! Actually, just the opposite. You see …” Socrates lifted his hand to stop the man speaking. “So you are not certain that what you want to say is true, and it isn’t good or kind. One filter still remains, though, so you may yet still tell me. That is Usefulness or Necessity. Is this information useful or necessary to me?” A little defeated, the man replied, “No, not really.” “Well, then,” Socrates said, turning on his heel. “If what you want to say is neither true, nor good or kind, nor useful or necessary, please don’t tell me anything about at all.
Wow! That would be a wonderful guide to govern our own conversations. We have heard gossip preached on yet, we, sometimes, don’t even realize that we often are guilty of it ourselves. One Sunday, a certain church bulletin listed the teaching topic for the morning as “Gossip.” Immediately following the topic was the scheduled hymn for that morning as well, “I Love to Tell the Story.” The hymn chosen for that morning and its placement in the bulletin below the topic proved to be quite hilarious to that many of that church’s parishioners… 🤣
We know that specific hymn talks about telling the story of the gospel, but all too often, we, Holiness people, love to tell someone else’s story. Along with pride, gossip is the probably the most widely tolerated and most destructive sin in the church. As a result, a lot of the unity in our churches is being destroyed. We are dividing the very unit God instituted to help us battle spiritually.
The reason why we often tolerate gossip because it is something we’ve ALL been guilty of it from time to time. It’s easy to condemn people for sins you’ve never committed, but it’s not so easy to confront a sin which you have committed yourself (and have encouraged others to commit by listening to their gossip.)
So we tend to shrug it off as no big deal. Or some of us try to spiritualize it: “I just wanted you to know so that you could pray.”
In reality, we need to own up to gossip as a serious sin that can destroy people.
Proverbs 16:28 tell us… a whisperer separateth chief friends.
Have you ever played the game ☎️ Telephone as a kid? You know the one where you sit in a circle with a group of people and one person whispers a phrase to the person next to him or her? Then, each person keeps whispering the phrase around the circle until it reaches the last person, who repeats the whispered statement out loud. What started out as "Pizza tastes great" can end up as "Pete's a great ape!"
It's hilarious to hear at how twisted the original sentence got as it was passed around.
Gossip is very similar!! It works practically the same way, but it's not at all funny. In fact, it can be very hurtful. Have you ever been the one gossiped about? It hurts!
I do recognize talking and communicating is how we spread our thoughts, ideas, and experiences to people around us. It's not always wrong to talk about other people. There's nothing wrong with telling someone, "I like spending time with Sis. Renee. She tells the funniest stories!" Those kind of words don't hurt anyone and often uplift or praise a good attribute of that person. That isn’t what we are talking about here!
Often, our conversations may be centered about other people, especially if they are people we do not get to see very often. We can still stay somewhat acquainted (if not only peripherally) by discussing any new life changes or updates with people we know that are better acquainted or closer in location with the people being discussed. There is nothing wrong with saying, “Did you know that Bro Brian and Sis Hope had their baby last week? It was a boy!!” While this conversation IS discussing someone else’s life, again, there is nothing hurtful nor anything that is being said that would tear down the reputation or character of the people being discussed.
Gossip is when you say mean or hurtful things, tell stories that you're not sure are true, or even reveal true information that you know is supposed to remain private. It can also be sharing information that would make someone else think less of the person in question. Another facet of gossip is when you find out something that you know isn’t yet public knowledge and you almost break your neck to tell someone else so you can be recognized as the one who always has the “inside scoop”. Most of the time, it isn’t your story to tell. Never be THAT person!
I heard a story of a lady (we will call her Sue) who found out something about another lady in their church (we will call her Hope) that wasn’t public knowledge yet. She texted a relative of the said woman in the church (we will call her Jill) and casually mentioned the private knowledge (about Hope) that she had uncovered as if it was common knowledge already. The relative (Jill) did not yet know the new information about her family member (Hope). The relative (Jill) became hurt and offended that other people in the church knew information about (Hope) a member of her own family that she herself hadn’t been clued in on yet. Later, after it became a big issue, it was discovered that the information was very new and (Hope) the woman in question hadn’t even have an opportunity to tell anyone yet. The gossiper (Sue) found out by accident by overhearing a private conversation. She could not wait to reveal her newfound discovery to others. She was not discreet nor did she stop to consider that her actions could cause distress to (Hope) the woman she was talking about and hurt feelings to (Jill) the relative she revealed the information to. (Not to mention the multiple other church people that weren’t supposed to know yet that she told as well) The information was not her story to tell. It was Hope’s story. She should have been the one given the opportunity (and the time!) to tell others if she so chose. Sue gave place to the spirit of Gossip. She chose to gossip which in turn resulted anger, hurt, division, and strife.
Gossip is the most deadly microbe. It has neither legs nor wings. It is composed entirely of tales, and most of them have stings. —Morris Mandell
So, even if you discover something and you know it for a fact to be true — it is not your right to tell everyone about it. We must avoid talking about stuff that would embarrass another person or simply may not be a story meant for us to share. Before you repeat anything you hear to someone else, try this test: Ask yourself, “If I were this person, would I want other people to know this kind of information about me ?”
Sometimes, a friend may have confidence in you and confide in you about something that is going on in their lives. They may want you to help them pray about the issue and they may ask you not to share it with anyone else. It can be hard not to tell a secret, especially when it's something you really would like to talk about with your other friends. Maybe you don't even understand why the person wants you to keep the information a secret. It may seem like no big deal to you. Or you may have just overheard something and your mind starts spinning, imagining, and filling in the gaps in the story. But always remember, you might have heard just one piece of the story.
Something like that happened a long time ago, back before the modern technology we have today. Back then, people used to listen to stories on the radio for entertainment or to stay updated on the news. In 1938, a radio program broadcasted a story called "The War of the Worlds." It was about Martians landing in New Jersey and trying to take over the world. Sounds crazy, right? Well, the problem was that some people turned on the story in the middle, and it sounded like it a regular news broadcast. Some people thought it was actually happening. They didn't hear the introduction, when the announcer explained that it was just a fictional story. They only heard one piece of the story and got all confused! They began to panic and react in fear because they didn’t have all the pieces to the puzzle.
Often, we are guilty of similar things. We hear only one part of a story and run with it anyway. We share it without knowing all the facts. A partial story is often so incomplete and lacking context that when you finally do discover all the truth, the original “gossip” almost appears to be a complete falsehood because of all the missing important details.
The best way to avoid being a part of the gossip mill in your church is to steer clear of people who gossip. If you do happen to hear a rumor or a juicy tidbit, don't repeat it — and don't listen to it, either if all possible. And when someone trusts you with a personal issue, keep it to yourself and just pray about it.
At first, gossip might seem like fun. It can feel like a private little club with you and your friend whispering about another person. But if someone gossips with you about someone else, she also might gossip about you to someone else. Believe me, it doesn't feel good to be on the receiving end. Stick with true, Godly friends who would rather live their own lives and obey the Word of God than sit around and talk about somebody else!
For I fear, lest, when I come, I shall not find you such as I would, and that I shall be found unto you such as ye would not: lest there be debates, envyings, wraths, strifes, backbitings, whisperings, swellings, tumults: — 2 Corinthians 12:20
I would dare say that every one of us has experienced the harm of gossip before. Whether the people talking didn't mean direct harm or not, the result of gossip is always broken trust and hurt feelings. God's Word warns us to stay away from people who gossip and to guard our words when we speak about others!
When discussing gossip, the Bible also uses the word slander which means making a false spoken statement that is damaging to a person's reputation. Slander can destroy someone's marriage, job, wealth, and family. The tongue has power and we must be careful with how we use our words. The Bible tells us what words we should speak and which we should not. If you are struggling with gossip or know someone who gossips a lot, study the Bible verses on the topic and choose to help put a stop to it. If you refuse to gossip and don’t listen to anyone else’s gossip, you are refusing to throw wood on the fire…don’t be a talebearer!!
Gossip—while completely natural to the flesh—can have serious consequences. It turns out that hearing negative gossip about someone can literally change the way you view that person in the future. It alters the way our brain responds to their face. When we see that person the next time, all our mind can think about is what someone else told us about that person whether it is actually true or not.
Reputations are hard to build and very easy to ruin, primarily because good things do not have the same weight in our brains as the negative things does. Anything positive or good that person may have done or accomplished is soon forgotten by the negative information that has been shared about them. Once negative gossip is spread about someone, it can takes decades to undo the damage. You can work your whole life to have a good name and a reputation beyond reproach, yet in a moment of idle gossip, a lifetime of work and diligence can all be destroyed.
The bible tells us… the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! [6] And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell. [8] But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.
James 3:5-6,8
Quick Disclaimer:
Of course, it's okay to talk about another person to someone in authority, especially if it involves dangerous behavior or sin being committed. If someone is doing something dangerous or sinful, by all means, try to get that person some help. Talk to their authority (their parents, their spouse, etc) or the pastor if necessary. Telling someone in authority who can help that person is not gossiping. That is protecting and helping someone! Just don’t run and tell other people (that have no reason to be involved or do not need to know) under the guise of “prayer requests”…
Women of God, we must not allow the enemy to trip us up and cause us to give place to the spirit of Gossip. We need each other! We need strong churches and strong families!! We must pray for the Lord to help us to not to fall prey to this sin. As the psalmist cried out, so should we…
Psalm 141:3— Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth; Keep the door of my lips
I sure don’t want my “idle” (or my careless) words to meet me at Judgement. (This includes both the written word as well as the spoken word! Is your written word (texts, posts, social interaction) bringing God glory? Do you use caution and restraint when responding to other people’s drama (if you should respond at all)? Do you allow God’s principles to color the words you do say? Or do you fling (or type) out idle words? Or do you throw “wood” on the fires of drama and gossip?
I would much rather take a self examination now and get any idle or careless words all under the blood!! I want to be pure and spotless before Him on that day!! I don’t want something I said with my tongue or my written word to come back to haunt me at Judgement. I want to be ready — with my eyes on Him alone!! If my eyes are on Him, it usually takes my focus off the juicy drama of others…
In the course of your conversation
each and every day, Think twice, try to be careful of
what you have to say;
Your remarks may be picked up by
someone’s listening ear, You may be surprised at what some
people think they hear.
Things that you innocently say, or try to portray, Can be changed, and
greatly exaggerated along the way;
Many stories change for the worse
as they are retold So try to keep any questionable
remarks “on hold.”
May I give all of you some very sound advice? When you speak of others,
say something nice.
Try to say good things,
regardless of who is around.
If you have nothing good to say,
don’t utter a sound.
You may find that an innocent remark,
in the end, May lose you a close and valued friend.
(Henry Lesser, Teamwork)
Food for thought:
Ask yourself:
T--Is it true?
H--Is it helpful?
I--Is it inspiring?
N--Is it necessary?
K--Is it kind?
-Tiphanie ♥️
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