I read a story about a man who was bitten by a dog many years ago before modern medical advances. Later, the dog was discovered to be rabid. Hospital tests confirmed this. The man had contracted rabies. Like I said, this was a time when there was nothing much to be done after rabies had set in, no cure had been yet been developed. The Doctor had the terrible job of bringing the bad news to his patient. “ Sir,” he said “ everything possible will be done, to make you comfortable, but we can’t offer any false hope. My best advice to you is to set your affairs in order as soon as possible.” The dying man sank back in depression and shock, but finally, he rallied enough strength to ask for a pen and paper. He began writing furiously. An hour later, when the doctor returned, the man’s pen was still flowing.The doctor said, “ Well, it’s good to see that you have taken my advice. I take it you’re working on your will.”
“ This ain’t no will, Doc,” said the man. “ It’s a list of people I plan on biting before I die.”
Wow!! That’s terrible… but often, while we may not express our emotions quite like that rabid man, we, sometimes, hurt others because of the deep hurt we have allowed to fester in our own hearts!! —Sometimes even when they aren’t even the original person who wronged us to begin with. We lash out and try to hurt someone else. We want someone else to feel our pain.
If there is anything I believe that the enemy has used to permeate our movement and to trying to use to destroy the unity of the Spirit in our churches among the members, it would have to be through the spirit of "bitterness". It is a spirit that has become so prevalent in our holiness churches. Somehow, we have convinced ourselves that bitterness, resentment, holding grudges, and unforgiveness aren't really sins or at least they aren’t when we are the ones harboring them in our hearts. Oh, we are quick to deny that we are even guilty of any these offenses. The preacher will get up and preach about harboring grudges, nursing resentment, and refusing to forgive and we will even “amen” him. We refuse to recognize that we have given the enemy vacancy in our minds.
We try to justify our actions and think we have a right to feel the way we do. We are the victims here!!! We didn’t do anything wrong! It was Sister so and so’s fault!! We will even go as far as to claim that there is no problem if we are questioned-- thinking we are essentially hiding our feelings away. We are often so clueless that, while we are vehemently denying having any problem at all, it is plainly visible to everyone around us.
Bitterness usually always starts out small. An offense burrows its way into our hearts. We “play, rewind, and repeat” it in our minds. Each time, the offense becomes bigger and bigger. We retell our hurts to anyone available to listen, making sure to include each sordid detail. We invite others to offer sympathy and support for our “pity-party.” Each validation of our offense serves to further our resentment. We get to where when we hear the offending person's name, we cringe inside. If anyone else brags on that offending person or says something kind about them in our presence, we often will make sure to “educate” that unknowledgeable person of just what kind of person that other person truly is!! Heaven forbid that someone would think highly of that wretched sinner!!
We decide the offense was intentional and our offender was full of spite. We are looking constantly for other reasons, both real or imagined, to dislike our “villain”. We nitpick and criticize their every action—looking for an ulterior motive. With each new piece of “evidence” we gather, we form another layer of bitterness toward that person. We fool ourselves into thinking no one will know what we are harboring in our hearts, but anger and resentment have a way of seeping into everything. It’s evident to everyone around us!!!
Sometimes, it may not even be something said about us or even an offense done to us. If it was just about us, some of us could probably overlook that offense. The enemy know this. He is a master at deception! He often will use someone we love as the intended 🎯target of the wrong. Whether it’s your kids, your spouse, or another close family/friend, it seems, a lot of times, it is a lot more difficult to let things go when you see how much the offense has hurt someone YOU love! We often allow resentment to begin to fester in our minds and if we aren’t careful, we allow bitterness to creep in when we think about how that person treated our loved one. We may have been able to deal with the wrongdoing if it was just directed toward us—but don’t mess with our family!
So with all that being said,
What does the Bible teach us about bitterness?
The first example of bitterness that often comes to mind is that of Naomi in the book of Ruth.
There are some powerful lessons we can learn from Naomi’s story. Most of us know the story--The narrative begins in Bethlehem (the “house of bread”). A great famine fell across the land. Bethlehem, too, began to feel the effects of the famine. Elimelech, her husband, decides to uproot his family and move to Moab, a country that had been unaffected by the drought and famine that was currently plaguing their homeland. The Bible is quick to point out that Naomi left Bethlehem “full”! She had her family--her husband, Elimelech, and her two sons!
What was suppose to be a temporary solution to the famine, somehow became more long term. Unfortunately, their newfound prosperity in Moab didn’t last forever. Tragedy struck and Naomi's husband died. After his death, Naomi's sons took women of Moab to wife. Time passes and ten years later, we read that Naomi and her family are still sojourning in Moab. Tragedy struck again in Naomi‘s home and both her sons died as well.
Naomi’s bitterness began as a small sprout 🌱 right here with the emptiness resulting from the loss of loved ones. In the span of these few short verses, Naomi experienced some of the most devastating losses a person can ever endure: the loss of a spouse and the loss of a child(ren). In her despair, she somehow received word that God was visiting His people again--“that there was bread again in Bethlehem.” She realized her need to return home to Bethlehem...We read the narrative of how Ruth went with her while Orpah returned to dwell among her own people. There is messages upon messages that have been preached about Ruth but remember, we are just focusing on Naomi’s part of the story here for the sake of this article.
So listen to what Naomi said when she arrived back home: “Call me not Naomi, l call me Mara: for the Almighty hath dealt very bitterly with me. I went out full, and the LORD hath brought me home again empty: why then call ye me Naomi, seeing the LORD hath testified against me, and the Almighty hath afflicted me?” (1:20-21)
Naomi allowed her circumstances to make her bitter. Bitterness is always a choice. It’s a choice to dwell in negativity. We see that this is Naomi’s issue. Our pastor has always said this “There may be a lot of things that are out of your control; but you can always control how you react in any situation.” At this point, Naomi chose to view her circumstances through the eyes of bitterness. “Call me Mara” (which means bitter). Bitterness overtook her identity. She was so consumed with bitterness that she became someone completely different. Even she recognized she was no longer the same old Naomi. She knew because of how she felt inside, she was now Mara!! This is one of the dangers of bitterness--it literally changes who you are!
How do you know you’re bitter? One of the tell-tale signs is, like Naomi, your perception becomes distorted by your bitterness. If you allowed these circumstances to swallow you whole, so that you won’t even know who you are anymore. You will find a way to steer every conversation back toward your bitterness. It consumes your every waking moment. You can’t even enjoy life anymore because of the bitterness that resides in your heart!!
Bitterness can blind us. Naomi’s bitterness blinded her to the blessings she still possessed. Naomi was blessed with a committed, loving daughter-in-law. Naomi said she left Bethlehem full but she returned empty. But that wasn't true! She still had a daughter-in-law who forsook her gods and her people to be loyal to her mother-in-law and her mother-in-law's God. Somewhere, before bitterness set in in her life, Naomi must have made a lasting impression and built such a relationship with Ruth to where when everything turned against them, Ruth refused to become bitter herself (remember, it was her husband, her father-in-law, and her brother-in-law that died too! Widows in that time, weren't treated all that well. Ruth, herself, could have chosen to embrace bitterness also) but she refused to allow Naomi to wallow in her self pity and just allow bitterness to overtake her completely!
Naomi’s attitude didnt dissuade Ruth from taking care of Naomi and trying to make the best out of a hard situation. It can be terribly difficult to live with someone who is bitter. We can see from the scripture that Ruth chose to love Naomi despite her bitterness.
In her bitterness, Naomi appears to hold God responsible for her circumstances: 1:21, seeing the LORD hath testified against me, and the n Almighty hath afflicted me?
In the Law, God made a promise to defend the defenseless. As widows, Naomi and Ruth would certainly qualify as benefactors of this law in the Jewish culture. By returning to Bethlehem, Naomi and Ruth were entitled to the benefits of God’s provision in the Law — to allow widows and the poor to glean the fields of the rich. That law was proof of God’s remembrance of women just like Naomi and Ruth. Naomi's bitterness blinded her to the provision of God despite the tragedies that they had endured.
Bitterness grows over time.
The Hebrew writer describes bitterness as a dangerous root: Hebrews 12:15, Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled…
Most of the time, you can’t see roots of a plant; they’re buried deep under the ground. God warns us that by not dealing with the root of bitterness, we are allowing those roots to grow and bring forth bitter fruit.
So, how does bitterness spring up in our lives?
It usually begins with a "wrong or perceived wrong", a slight, hurt feelings, disappointment / pain / sorrow from the loss of a loved one, a job, a position, etc. This disappointment gradually hardens into resentment if it's not dealt with swiftly and properly. Disappointment accrues interest and the result is that resentment works its way deep into our heart and turns into bitterness. None of us is immune to bitterness. It is a sneaky "trap" of Satan that often creeps into our hearts and quickly grows into untamable vines around our hearts and our spirits.
God warns us about the effects of bitterness in Heb. 12:15, which we just read—which says that a bitter root can cause trouble and defile many. James 3:14-16 also tells us that bitterness, envying, and strife leads to confusion and every evil work.
A doctor was asked by a friend to meet with her Aunt Marie who complained of chronic aches and pains. Arriving at his office, she walked as if she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. She was only 52 years old, but she looked much older. At one point, he asked her, “Have you experienced any disappointments or difficulties in your life?” Aunt Marie immediately perked up. Her eagerness to respond was evident. She began, “My brother robbed me of my portion of our family inheritance. Because of what he did, I didn’t go to college. And don’t ask me to forgive him! I never will! Just thinking about him makes me ache all over.” Aunt Marie had just diagnosed herself! She had been bitter for 34 years! The effects had become evident in her body, mind and spirit.
I read an illustration about Otto Von Bismarck—the chancellor of Germany during World War I. Bismarck was a man eaten up with bitterness. One morning, Bismarck announced," I have spent the whole night hating.” He was such a bitter man that the weight of bitterness eventually broke his health. He grew a beard to hide the twitching muscles of his face. Jaundice, gastric ulcers, gallstones, and shingles wracked his body. When publishers offered him a large sum of money for his life’s story, he began to write with a reckless disregard for truth, heaping hate on men and women long dead. He died at 83, an embittered, cynical, lonely, and miserable man.
It’s so hard to get some folk to stop nourishing their grudges. Over the years, I have seen many bitter Christians who preferred to keep nursing their anger instead of enjoying the fellowship of God and God’s people. Because they will not forgive, they have isolated themselves from the church, and sometimes even from their own family. This contention and friction among church members has hindered many moves of God and our churches are often dry and powerless…because God won’t dwell in unclean vessels!!
You know what I’m talking about. This person becomes bitter at that person. This church becomes bitter at that church. This employee becomes bitter at his employer. This husband becomes bitter at his wife and vice versa. Surely, of all human emotions, is bitterness not the one that should be feared the most ? Bitterness is a cruel cancer that will devour you from the inside out.
Bitterness starts out unseen. It is unnoticed. It is undetected, Nevertheless, it is there and it is lethal. The root of bitterness requires very little soil, needs very little cultivation, is very swift to grow, but very tough to remove.
Our word “ bitterness,” comes from an old root word meaning to bite. Bitterness is like being bitten by the old serpent Satan who releases his venom and poison into our heart and life. Do you recall what Peter said to Simon the sorcerer? “ I perceive that thou art in the gall of bitterness,” ( Acts 8:23 ) The word “ gall,” actually means “ poison.” Bitterness is the poison that comes when bitten by certain things in life. It’s as if the Devil has bitten and injected all the poison of hell itself into a human heart—that feeling of hurt, resentment, anger, hate and even revenge that often builds up in our hearts when we have been done wrong or offended.
Bitterness usually is a result of
* what is said about us:
* what is done to us:
*what is taken from us
Jesus touched on all three of these problems in the Sermon on the Mount. With regard to what is said about us, Jesus said, “ Blessed are ye when men shall revile you and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad for great is your reward in heaven for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.” ( Matt 5:11-12 )
With regard to what is done to us, he said, “Ye have heard that it hath been said, and eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. But I say unto you that ye resist not evil, but whosoever shall smite on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.” ( Matt 5:38-39 ) What Jesus was trying to convey here was, that it’s not what happens to you is important, but how you react to that, that really counts with God.
With regard to what is taken from us, He said, “And if any man will sue at the law and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also.” (Matt 5:40 ) Jesus was telling us it’s better to be wronged than to do wrong.
When someone does you wrong, you have one of two choices, you can get bitter or you can get better.
Do you remember who Athitophel was in the Bible? He was David’s chief advisor and close friend. ( 2 Sam 15:12 ) When he spoke, others listened. He was a wise and mighty man. But something happened in Ahithophel’s life that left a great hurt in his soul. And he met a tragic end because he allowed a great hurt to fester in his life. What was the thing that had consumed him so? ( 2 Sam 11:3 ) Bathsheba was Ahithophel’s granddaughter. How proud he must have been of Bathsheba. Athithophel’s heart must have been saddened when he heard that Uriah, Bathsheba’s husband had been killed in battle. Can you see him standing by her side as a stately grandfather exuding strength as they stand at the grave of Uriah her husband ? Soon after, word gets out about David’s adulterous affair with Bathsheba. Ahithophel must have been crushed. It was David ???!!! His friend, his KING??!! David —who had seduced his granddaughter and defiled her! It was David who had planned and plotted her husband, Uriah’s death. It was David who had brought a scandal upon their family name. Ahithophel was so hurt by the actions of his so-called friend concerning his granddaughter. He allowed that hurt and betrayal to fester in his heart and he became so bitter inside. Oh, he still kept up appearances. For a while, he kept the roots hidden inside his heart but there came a day that the plant of bitterness had reached maturity in his heart. So when David’s son, Absalom rebelled against his father, Ahithophel saw his chance to get even with David. Out of his hatred for David, Ahithophel gave Absalom counsel. The first thing he counseled Absalom to do was to disgrace the King: ( 2 Sam 16:20-23 ) the second thing was intented to destroy the King: ( 2 Sam 17:1-4 ) The same man that he had helped for so many years, Ahithophel was now seeking to destroy.….
Could that also be said of us? Is there someone that for years, we helped them, counselled them, encouraged them, befriended them, loved them ? Then something happened. They wronged us, or slighted us in some way and since that moment, that hurt has smouldered inside, and bitterness, anger and resentment are now the result.
It would be wonderful if we had the assurance that others would never hurt, offend or disappoint us, but the truth is we all have a fallen sinful nature. We all have the potential “to hurt” others and “to be hurt of” others. However, when we get hurt and we do not deal with it, it will consume and dominate our life.
Do you know how Ahithophel’s life ended?
When he saw his counsel went unheeded, he went to his house and committed suicide. ( 2 Sam 17:23 ) In his mind, if David could not die, then he could not live. See???
Harboring Bitterness will destroy you!
I read that a rattlesnake, if cornered will sometimes become so angry it will bite itself. Is this not what bitterness, hate, and resentment is? It’s the biting of your own self.
We think we are harming others in holding onto the grudges, spitefulness and hatred but the real harm is to ourselves. We may not be able to control what happens to us, but we can control what happens in us. We cannot control how others act toward us, but we can control how we react toward others.
Bitterness has been called “emotional suicide”. It’s drinking poison while wishing someone else would die “—once again, our theme verse—Lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you….” (Heb 12:15 ) The word “trouble” here is sometimes translated “ vex,” and the idea is that it pushes out the good things in our heart and takes over in our life. A bitter root always produces bitter fruit. If you get bitter then you are headed for trouble. Soon it will become contagious and contaminate those who are around you.( the last part of that verse…and many be defiled…)
As you allow the root of bitterness to grow, it will take more and more of the soil of your heart. There is a plant in parts of the United States called kudzu. Kudzu is a vine style plant that grows like wildfire and takes over everything it can. Kudzu can grow up to one foot per day and up to one hundred feet in a single growing season. It is considered very invasive. It chokes out all the local plants and foliage, and overtakes everything in its path. Likewise, bitterness will consume us and overtake every aspect of our lives. Isn’t it funny that our minds are drawn again and again to that person toward whom we are bitter ?
A long time ago, a doctor by the name of S. I. McMillen, wrote a book entitled “None of These Diseases.” In his book, Dr. McMillen points out how destructive emotions, such as bitterness, can consume a man both physically and mentally. Concerning bitterness, Dr. McMillen said, "The moment I start hating a man I become his slave. I can’t enjoy my work anymore because he even controls my thoughts. My resentments produce too many stress hormones in my body and I become fatigued after only a few hours of work. The man I hate hounds me whereever I go. I can’t escape his tyrannical grasp on my mind. The man I hate may be many miles from my bedroom, but more cruel than any slave driver he whips my thoughts into such a frenzy that my innerspring mattress becomes a rack of torture. The lowliest of the serfs can sleep, but not I. I really must acknowledge the fact that I am a slave to every man on whom I pour the vial of my wrath."
Not only does bitterness dominate your mind, but it will also depress you emotionally. I have never met a happy, bitter person. It’s an oxymoron—you can’t be both happy and bitter!! Go read James chapter 3–
Criticism, cynicism, negativism, pessimism are the marks of a bitter person. Bitterness will depress you and sadden you and even get you to the point where you cannot even function normally. It is like walking around with a chain and a heavy weight tied around your leg.
I found this illustration when I was studying this topic…
Edwin Markham was a great poet, who having reached the age of retirement, found out that his banker had defrauded him out of a great sum of money. Instead of retiring to a life of ease, he thought he had earned, he was penniless and broke. He became so bitter he could no longer even write poetry. The candle of joy had been blown out in his heart by the blaze of bitterness. He became so obsessed with wanting to do this man harm, that all he could do was think about it, and brew over it. He was obsessed with what this man had done to him and with how he could get even with this fellow. One day, in a depressed mood, he was sitting at his desk just doodling, drawing circles on his paper, thinking about this banker who had stolen all of his money, and he said that the Holy Spirit spoke to him and said, “ Markham, if you do not deal with this thing, it is going to ruin you. You cannot afford the price you are paying. You must forgive that man.” That great poet said, “ Lord, I will forgive him, and I do freely forgive him.” At that exact moment Markham said he could feel he root of bitterness being pulled out. He could feel the river of joy begin to flow back in his heart, and when he did, he said his mind was unshackled, his pen was loosened, and he then sat down and wrote perhaps his most famous poem entitled,
“Outwitted.”
He drew a circle that shut me out
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout,
But love and I had the wit to win,
We drew a circle that took him in
Bitterness will debilitate you physically. Giving place to these dangerous emotions actually will sicken our bodies. It’s like carrying an impossible weight or burden around all the time on our backs!! Dr. McMillen, in his book, named over fifty diseases ranging from ulcers to high blood pressure that can be caused by bitterness. Bitterness does a great deal more damage to the vessel in which it is stored than the object on which it is poured.
We should deal with our bitterness not only for the physical health benefits it could bring us — but spiritually speaking, holding on to bitterness can lead us into sin.
When we feel hurt, it is easy to become bitter. Because our bitterness may appear to be justified in our own thinking, many people are not aware that it is a serious problem that can have spiritual, emotional and physical consequences.
“Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God,” ( Heb 12:15 ) What does that even mean ? Well, we know it does not mean God’s grace fails!! but we can fail to take advantage of His grace. Is this not what the bitter person’s problem essentially is the result of ? The bitter person has a grace deficiency, they have failed to take advantage of the grace of God, and now they are affected spiritually. Bitterness will destroy your worship: You cannot pray with assurance, you cannot praise with delight. Bitterness will surely stunt your walk with the Lord, cripple your ministry and hinder your work for the Lord:
How can you serve the Lord effectively when the bile of bitterness is gushing through your veins? Bitterness will defile your witness : It will taint your testimony.
-Tiphanie ❤️
ok… I’m so sorry—this is getting kind of lengthy…so I’m going to split this one into different segments. Watch for Sunday’s post—Conflicts of the heart: Bitterness Part 2
-Tiphanie ❤️
Helpful resource for more in depth Bible study:
Comments