If you haven’t read part 1, I suggest you read that post first….I’m picking up where I left off…
So now that we have discussed what causes bitterness and some of the signs and the result of bitterness, what must we do about it?
We must take great care to “weed out” bitterness by accepting the grace of God.
When we are bitter, it is usually because we feel lie we have been done wrong or have been mistreated by some past offense . WE feel as if we have a right to feel like this! WE are the innocent party here! we are the victims! WE didnt do anything wrong! it was sister so-and-so's fault or it was that person's hurtful words that made us feel like we do. WE have every right to be hurt. WE have every right to "hold that against him/her"! They knew that what they said hurt me! (These are some of the lies we tell ourselves. WE fall prey to the same mindset as the world! IF they hurt me, I will hurt them back! I have every right to act that way!!
But when we look at it from a Biblical perspective, grace tells us that we actually don't have any right to bitterness. God knew we were just human. HE knew we would have conflicts, hurts, and disappointments in our relationships with others. He recognized that in that moment of hurt or disappoinments, we needed something supernatural to enable us to do the impossible!—To forgive those who wrong us and to forget those past misdeeds.
Despite what we tell ourselves sometimes, there are none of us who are perfect. (Romans 3:23—For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;) We ALL have a fallen human nature inside us. The Bible tells us that “there is none righteous, no, not one!” (Rom 3:10)
If you truly want to be cleansed of bitterness, God defintely has the cure. It is called forgiveness. I have found that very few people really understand what forgiveness means.
I read a story about a man was giving a seminar about forgiveness, he asked the audience, “What does it mean to forgive?” Someone responded, “It means to forgive and forget.” Another said, “You have to act as if nothing happened.” Someone else said, “Forgiveness means that you let them off the hook.” With beliefs like these, it is easy to see why many people are so reluctant to forgive! Under these ideas, there is no recognition of sin, no justice and no plan for safety in the future! Because of these deceptions, many remain victims all their lives.
When someone causes harm to another, the action according to the Bible (see Matt. 16:23) is called an offense. According to Strong’s Concordance, forgiveness means “to be merciful, to pardon, to purge away, to put off and to reconcile.” But what about justice? Are we really supposed to let the perpetrator “off the hook?”
Rom. 12:19 says, “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.”
This verse assured us that God does not disregard the wrongs people may say or do against us. He offers to provide justice for us, releasing us from the heavy burden of trying to punish those who have harmed us ourselves. He just says we must forgive that person. It is imperative!
The Lord himself modeled this supernatural forgiveness --look what was done to Him! Yet, he still loved mankind enough to die for us all! I know there have been some people who have been wronged terribly, but I believe I I can confidently say, there isn’t anyone that has endured what our Saviour did. Yet, He forgave our sins!! Colossians 3:13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.
Ephesians 4:31-32–Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
The Bible teaches that the key to overcoming bitterness is through forgiveness. The sooner we can forgive, the quicker we kill that root of bitterness. How do you get rid of a root ? Since a root is usually under the ground, you have to get a shovel and dig it out.
Well, how do you rip up and dig out the root of bitterness ? We must strive to follow peace with all men. The word“ follow” means “ to go after in an aggressive fashion,” We are commanded to actively pursue peace ourselves.
One of the tragedies with a person who is bitter is that they feel as they are the victims. They have been done wrong. They have been done dirty. As a result, they feel as if someone owes them something. Someone owes them an apology. They are waiting on someone to come to them, to fuss over them, to smooth down their ruffled feathers, waiting for someone to come and apologize. But do you see what the Word of God says here ? “Follow peace with all men,” God wanted us to be the initiators. We are to take the initiative to end the war, pull down the fences, rebuild the bridges and restore the fellowship.
Matthew 5:22-24 —[22] But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire. [23] Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; [24] Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.
From pettiness and that desire
Which goads one to retaliate
With patience I would quench the fire
Of vengeance, ere it be too late
And in defeat may I cast out
The moods of envy and despair
And from my heart, Lord, I would rout
All bitterness. This is my prayer.
Whatever caused the problem that brought bitterness into your life, must be put forever behind you. Paul said, “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice.”
( Eph 4:31 ) The words “ put away,” means “ to dispose of, to discard, to get rid of.” If you are going to remove bitterness from your life, the first thing you have to do is get that “ get even” feeling out of your heart. You’ve got to bury that problem in an unmarked grave—never to be visited again.
Two little boys had a quarrel as they were playing catch with ball and glove. Johnny slammed the kitchen door and told his mother he’d never have anything to with Bobby again. And yet the next day, there he was on his way out through the door with his ball and glove. “ I’ll be over at Bobby’s,” he said. “ I thought you were finished with Bobby forever,” said his mother. Johnny said, “ Oh, me and Bobby are good forgetters.”
Are we good forgetters? It sure would save us a lot of misery. Constantly replaying the offense in our mind will only cause us more grief. It would much better to just choose to forgive and to forget—especially a lot of this silly, petty stuff that we have allowed to divide our homes, our churches, our friendships and our relationships. If you’re angry at your spouse, it’s as if you’re carrying him on your back. If you’re angry at your mother in law, she’s up there too. More often than not, once you become bitter with one individual, it is so much easier to add another and another to the mix…then another…Having a bitter, critical spirit and negative attitude will cause you to find fault in just about everyone around you. How many people can you carry on your back ? Would it not be much easier to walk if you would just quit carrying them everywhere you go ?
Paul goes on ( Eph 4:32 ) and says, “ And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” …. that is the key. You’ve got to forgive others even as God has forgiven you. I don’t care how dirty you have been done. Like I said earlier, no one has ever been treated worse than Jesus. But even as He was dying on that cross for your sins and mine, He said, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.” (Lk 23:34 )
As Charles Spurgeon once said, “Let us go to Calvary to learn how we may be forgiven, and then let us linger there to learn how to forgive.”
Do you need to forgive that person who has wronged you ? You must forgive them freely: that is, whether they ask for it or not. You must forgive them fully: you just can’t cut your bitterness in half. You must forgive them finally: that is, you must forgive that person once and for all.
When we don’t forgive, we are like the little boy who was sitting on a park bench in obvious agony. A man walking by asked him what was wrong. The boy answered, “ I’m sitting on a bumble bee.” “ Then why don’t you get up ?” the man asked. The boy replied, “ Because I figure that I am hurting him more than he is hurting me.” …. is it not time we got off the park bench so that God’s healing process of forgiveness can begin ? Aren’t you tired of carrying around all this hatred, resentment, and strife. Aren’t you weary of constantly being wary of people and their motives toward you?
We desperately need to have the Spirit of God active in our hearts, our homes, and our churches!!! We need to allow the Lord to help us break these chains of bitterness that have wrapped themselves around our hearts and lives. We need to give God all of us!! Don’t hold back a small part of your heart in order to hang onto your bitterness. Give it all to God!! He can do the supernatural! He can replace hate with love! —spitefulness with kindness!! We must allow God to put His love down deep in our hearts !!
Let’s be transparently honest with ourselves:
Are we eaten up with bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness ? Are there any roots of bitterness in our hearts?
Just as we take care of our bodies and perform self examinations regularly and go to the doctor for routine checkups to make sure we are in good health: We should do the same for our spiritual health:
Self examine:
2 Corinthians 13:5 instructs us to : Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves...
Allow the Lord to give us a checkup :
Psalm 26:2—Examine me, O Lord, and prove me; try my reins and my heart.
Sadly, there are some people will not heed the Word of God and they will take their bitterness to the grave with them—whether it be bitterness with a family member or with a fellow church member, they will not make it right this side of eternity. They refused to accept the grace that God extended in that moment of hurt or betrayal. They are willing to sacrifice their own mental well-being, their quality of life, and ultimately, their own salvation to remain “right”… yes, they may have been done wrong and yes, they may have really been the victim in the beginning but they “failed the Grace of God” —by refusing to forgive and hanging on to the offense, they went from being the one sinned against to becoming the one sinning themselves. Harboring Bitterness is a sin! The Bible tells us that no sin will be allowed to enter in Heaven!l We must once again fall at the altar of mercy and accept the grace that God is extending to us! Our eternal destination depends on it!!!
I read this story : After the Civil War, General Robert E. Lee visited a lady that took him to the remains of a grand old tree in front of her house. The tree had been like a family heirloom. She cried as she pointed the limbs that had been destroyed by Federal artillery fire and the trunk that had been defaced by the Union army. She looked at the General and asked, “ What will I do about it ?” After a moment of silence, Lee responded and said, “ Cut it down, my dear, and forget it.”
Will you do that ?
Romans 12:18 says, “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.
So how can we do that? How can we prevent bitterness from moving into our hearts? How can we deal with our feelings instead of letting them grow into bitterness?
Know that God requires forgiveness. This is where it gets real. Our lack of forgiveness is why we choose to hold onto bitterness. It might seem like we are unable to forgive, but sometimes, we need to face that the real reason is that we simply are unwilling to forgive. In the parable of the man who was forgiven a great debt (Matt. 18:24-35), we see the forgiven man immediately demands payment from someone who owes him a fraction of what he himself owed. Though he was shown mercy and grace, he was unwilling to extend it even in a small way.
Understand that we are to forgive because we are forgiven. You can discern a person is trapped when their first response is, "You don't understand what they did to me." True! We may not understand, but Jesus does . He lived a perfect life, but was beaten, mocked, spit on, and hung on a wooden cross to die a cruel death. Yet, John 3:16 tells us that he loved the world enough to go through all the torture, pain, mocking, while bearing the sins of the whole world. Sometimes, we mistakenly think he died only for us, but when he died, he died for the world—including whoever offended us. We are told to forgive others just as Christ forgave us. Do they deserve it? No. Do we deserve it? No. But still, he hung on that cross because of His love for each of us.
When we have an unforgiving spirit, our eyes are not on Him; they are fixed on ourselves and our hurts.
Once a man when he had been deeply hurt, told God, "Someone should pay for this." To which God replied, "I did."
Pray for those you can't forgive.
God already knows what's going on inside of you. He knows your thoughts and he knows how the other person hurt you. He was right there with you when the offense happened.
Other times, we just may not have the capability in ourselves to forgive others (especially if the wrong was serious or caused great damage or trauma). But God can supernaturally empower us to forgive those who have hurt us (Philippians 4:13). YOU CAN!
If you want to see an awesome example of forgiveness, go read “The Hiding Place” by Corrie Ten Boom! Corrie and her sister, Betsy, were enslaved in the Ravensbrück concentration camp during the Holocaust. She and her sister suffered greatly at the hands of the guards. Betsy ended up dying there due to the mistreatment they endured. Betsy may have been broken in body, but those evil guards could never crush her spirit! She encouraged her sister, Corrie, to love those guards, pray for them, and to forgive them. Later, after Corrie was freed, she began to speak publicly about her experiences and how the Lord was with her and her sister during their horrific ordeal. She was telling people that they should take Betsy’s advice and forgive those who had wronged them. At one such meeting, a man came up to Corrie and he asked her if she truly believed what she spoke about. She said she did and he said “Can you forgive me?” —upon closer inspection, Corrie realized this man was one of the worst guards that tortured her and Betsy! She recounts how all those memories and emotions came flooding back in a moment, yet she replied —Yes, with the Lord’s grace, I do forgive you! She said when she spoke those words aloud, God gave her His love for that man in her heart and she ended up leading him to the Lord. Wow!
Pray for those who have wronged you. It is nearly impossible to be unforgiving toward those we are praying for. It's not easy to start praying for them; it's one of the hardest things we can ever do. When we make that person an object of prayer, we open the door of our hearts a little wider so that God can come in and breathe on our hardened hearts, melting the resentment that has long abided there. God also knew it would not always be possible to live at peace with some people. That's why Romans 12:18 says, "If it be possible …" But God does require that we forgive others (We must also be prepared for the fact that our forgiveness does not necessarily lead to change on the part of our offenders. Like I mentioned before, forgiveness should result in repaired relationships, but this does not always happen. There may be no change in those difficult relationships this side of Heaven and depending on the situation, especially if it was bitterness stemming from abuse or neglect, even when we have truly forgiven someone who has wronged us, we may still need to protect ourselves or our families from harm. That is okay…but the sting of the offense is gone.You don’t have to bound to those feelings of bitterness and resentment in your heart.
We can allow the Lord to set us free from those chains!! ⛓ or we can continue to harbor sin in our hearts and miss out on blessings that God had in store for us—and eventually, if we still don’t make things right, we will be shocked to find out on Judgment Day that dealing with these feelings and emotions according to the Bible was a nonnegotiable truth. God didn’t just give us a book of suggestions….He gave us commandments!
1 John 5:2-3 —[2] By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God, and keep his commandments. [3] For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous.
Doing things God’s way isnt grievous! God made us and He know what works!! We need to trust Him and apply the Word to each facet of life!
Deuteronomy 30:19—I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live:
Jeremiah 21:8…Behold, I set before you the way of life, and the way of death.
Go earnestly study I John chapter 3…it’s right there in black and white. If you don’t love your brother, (or sister, or friend, or fill in the blank, for those of you that try to get technical to avoid having to comply) you can’t truly love God!! God is a Holy God! Don’t try to fool Him! He knows exactly what is in each of our hearts. He longs to extend grace and mercy to us in our weakness but we must quit denying the problem!! We often are like the man with the withered hand in the book of Mark. We try to hide away our “withered spirit” … Just like Jesus told that man that day in the synagogue—“Stretch forth thy hand!”, He is saying the same thing to us—“stretch forth thy bitter heart!”
The man with the withered hand had a choice—He could have refused to comply with Jesus’ command and continued to hide away his disability/handicap forever. He could have even got mad at Jesus for singling him out in front of everyone and making him show others his weakness…. (I know some of us might have reacted that way!) or as he actually did do, he could have humbled himself and stretched out his problem to Jesus!
If you read the passage here about this man, it was evident that others already knew about his problem. The religious leaders were almost using this man with the withered hand (unwittingly) as bait to see if Jesus would heal him on the Sabbath. That clues us in that the man’s problem wasn’t a secret. Yet, in our story, the man continued to hide his issue away…until the Lord stopped by that day!! His humility and obedience to the Lord’s command to stretch it forth allowed him to receive a true healing! We, too, must stretch forth our problems/weaknesses to the Lord when He calls for us! We must humble ourselves once again and allow the cleansing flood from Calvary to wash away our sinful feelings!
We can chose to forgive, to be kind, to treat others with respect; we can choose to love!! It is our choice—the power of life and death is in our hands!!
Ask yourself this question—
What am I going to do with my ”withered spirit”?
- Tiphanie ❤️
Deuteronomy 30:15 — See, I have set before thee this day life and good, and death and evil;
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