As I shared last time, miscarrying our second child was devastating to me. We had spent hours praying and believing that God would turn the situation around and He didn’t. It hurt like a hurt I had never experienced before. Despite what I knew to be true, I was disappointed with God. He could have moved. He could have stopped it. He could have...
But He didn't ....
I watched my hopes and dreams of having that baby go out the window. The enemy immediately began to attack my mind and filled my thoughts with things like “you will never carry another baby to term ” “your body probably isn’t even able to get pregnant anymore” “you’ll never have any more children ”. Or even get this--- "all these drug addicts and meth heads get pregnant and have healthy babies all the time and they don't even want them. Why does God allow them to have normal pregnancies and not you? What about all the people that abort their babies? They don't even want them! You wanted your baby and now look at it!!" "
Overwhelming feelings of guilt assailed me. I second guessed everything I had done leading up to that fateful February night.
Did I push myself too hard? Had I moved something too heavy the day before? I had "relations" with my spouse prior to the initial spotting. Was that the cause? (I know that's TMI, but it is something that is rarely talked about and it definitely caused me great anxiety-- for those interested- I asked my doctor and he said absolutely not. Intimacy with your spouse is perfectly fine in any stage of pregnancy unless you have a medical reason to temporarily abstain- but usually any condition like that is usually later in pregnancy, if at all) but I was plagued by the constant thoughts that my actions might have caused the demise of my baby.
I was devastated. I knew that God could’ve fixed our situation and given us a healthy baby, and He didn’t. I felt abandoned and didn’t understand why he had given other people positive outcomes in similar situations and hadn't heeded our cries.
I spent the following weeks after miscarrying, feeling overcome with fear, worry, and disappointment. I wanted that baby more than anything, and I couldn’t understand why it hadn't lived.
In my head, I knew the Bible teaches us that God has a plan for our lives and it IS good. That HE will work everything out for our good and what the enemy intends for evil, God WILL use for good, but that knowledge had trouble getting from my head to my heart for a while.
It took some time but in the weeks that followed, gradually the knowledge of God and His Goodness began to spread from just being in my mind to penetrating the deep ache in my heart.
Through this trial, God taught me some amazing truths.
He is the GREAT Comforter
Miscarriages are relatively common (and in my own church, I quickly found out after losing my child, there were many other women in my own church who had suffered a miscarriage at some point in their lives) Each one of these precious sisters would have done their best to offer comfort and words of encouragement, I quickly realized the only true comfort that would ease the hurt was from God himself (and from my husband whom I believe God used to manifest a physical demonstration of His love and comfort to me when I needed it most)
Through this situation, I realized no one understands like God does, and He can comfort like no other. In our trials and in our struggles, God desires to comfort us and help us navigate through our pain, if we will turn to Him and His Word.
Recently, I heard a preacher explain it like this :
Remember when the disciples were out on their ship on the stormy Sea of Galilee? They were scared to death. They felt abandoned and like they were gonna go under, yet Jesus came walking on the water-- the water of those same stormy seas that was threatening to destroy them. Sometimes, the storms of life will be the very thing that will bring Jesus the closest to us.......the water was the walking medium to get to His disciples. Yet, the water was the source of their panic. The disciples saw Him in a way that they had never seen Him before -- they saw him as the Master of the wind. They said even the wind and the seas doeth obey His command. They would have never known that about Him if they hadn't experienced it firsthand.
We must be careful not to allow our difficulties to make us bitter toward God, (the devil would love nothing better!) but rather, we can allow the Lord to use our circumstances to make us better. How do we do that? By turning to the Lord and allowing Him to draw near to us and by letting Him reveal Himself to us in a way that we have never seen before.
Your greatest trial can become a monument to your greatest spiritual growth if you will surrender your will to His will.
How to Trust Him (in spite of...)
When we found out the pregnancy was not to be, I immediately wanted answers. I wanted to understand why it happened and how I could fix it to prevent it from happening again next time.
Of course, no one had that answer for me because my specific type of miscarriage was just simply something that happens sometimes. Sometimes, the body just rejects a fertilized egg for no apparent reason. There isn't anything that is wrong with you or can be fixed to prevent it. It is just one of those things that happen from time to time.
This knowledge forced me to truly trust God and know that He was in control. I quickly realized how easy it is to trust Him when everything is going as planned. I found out firsthand, how much harder to trust Him when the very thing you were trusting Him for was being taken away.
I came to the realization (after much reflection and prayer) that I am not called to trust Him just when everything is going my way, but rather, I am called to trust Him always-- even right in the midst of my brokeness...
He has a plan for our lives and that plan IS good, we must trust that!!! He is a good, good Father. He loves us and desires good things for us...He knows best even when we don't understand His ways.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:9
Getting to the place that you can trust in spite of... is no easy feat. It's hours of tears, prayers, reading the Word, and struggling in your faith.
And sometimes, that's not even enough....In the Bible, take the account of the dad of the boy that was being oppressed by the demon that the disciples were powerless to cast out. What did the boy's dad say to Jesus when Jesus told him if he could believe, all things were possible to those who believe? The dad was brutally honest-- he said "Lord, I believe, but help thou my unbelief...."
I've been there so many times myself
Sometimes we need that supernatural boost of faith that only Jesus brings. We may have done our very best but still are coming up short; but I am so, so thankful for Jesus!! When Jesus gets involved, our little bit will become just enough in His Hands.
That mustard seed faith!!
Pain, Suffering, & Sorrow are a part of life
Like I mentioned, my first response to losing my baby was to second guess myself. I wanted to reason and figure out what I had done to cause the miscarriage, but after a while....I realized I wasn’t being punished for some accidental action or mishap of mine --this miscarriage was simply a trial I was facing. Storms and trials are just a fact of life. They are gonna come! (It's not a case of 'If they come' but rather, when they come...")
It is in those moments that we must learn to lean hard upon Jesus and know that He has a plan. We must learn to trust that He is going to work all things together for our good. ( even when we can't see it right now!)
We know that pain and suffering are a fact of life. They are natural consequences of man's sin. They aren't personal to me or you or even to our own particular situations. They are simply the results of man's fall. Pain, suffering, and sorrow are just things we all have to deal with and will encounter periodically until we get to Glory.
But don't despair! There is a brighter day ahead... as our pastor so eloquently preached the other night-- we ARE gonna sing again!!
Realize you may never understand the whys and that's okay
Again, it goes back to the trust thing.... trusting Him in spite of....I still don't know why my baby didn't make it. I still haven't got some divine revelation of God's reasoning. My heart still aches for the baby that was never to be (at least on this side of Glory)
But I have learned to embrace the fact that God is Good, no matter what. Even when bad things happen, He doesn't change. He is still Good.
I have learned that He loves me with an everlasting, all consuming love. I know He wants good things for me. My miscarriage wasn't His fault-- He wasn't trying to inflict pain, sorrow, and suffering into my life. I realized that miscarriages was just a natural occurrence in a sin cursed world.
I found God to faithful even in the dark times. I found His promises to be true! I found Him to be the Rock of shelter from the storm. I found His grace to be sufficient. I found His strength in my weakness.
I found Him to be enough.....
Enough to wipe away the tears
Enough to assuage my doubt
Enough to calm my fears
Enough to mend my broken heart
Enough to strengthen my battered spirit
Enough to restore my song
Enough to renew my joy
Enough to put a smile back on my face
Enough to help me get back up again
In every way, I found Him to be enough!
Lastly, the other thing I learned from my experience is this:
Good Things can come out of Bad Situations
As I mentioned in the last post, one good thing to come out of our tragedy (that I can see now) is the stronger connection with my husband that having the miscarriage helped to facilitate....
As I said last time-- even in a bad circumstance,
God still did exactly what He promised He would in His Word.
“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
I know what we went through wasn’t good at all, but yet, looking back on it now, I can see the good that came out of a terrible situation….
God used our brokenness to forge a stronger bond of love, trust, and dependency between the two of us. Our marriage relationship grew stronger due to the storm. We discovered a special "oneness" in our home that we had never yet experienced before that time.
Now that some time has passed, I can look back and see yet another good thing that has come out of our tragedy----The fact I can pray with a greater burden and empathize with other women going through similar situations. Having been in "those shoes" myself, I can pray for another person with a better sense of understanding and compassion.
“ ... I sat where they sat...” Ezekiel 3:15
Are you suffering through a miscarriage or dealing with the unresolved trauma from past experience of having one ?
I know how devastating losing a unborn baby can be and how hard it can be to reach out to others. Never forget that God is always with you, and He has a plan for you. Lean on Him. Trust Him in spite of! One day, He will use your story for His Glory!
God has since blessed our home with another child after our storm. Satan was a liar! God didn't leave me! God didn't forsake me. God wasn't ignoring my pleas. He was right there in the midst of my brokenness. It was His arms that bore me up at my weakest.
I am believing with you today that He will do the same for you. But remember, whatever your outcome is, God will use your struggle and turn it into good! HE is with you and has a plan for your unique situation!
From my heart,
Tiphanie 💕
If you would like prayer or would like to talk, I am always available!! Please don't hesitate to message me. I'd love to pray with you and share the burden. Always remember: You are not alone! God is within you! He is listening --He knows the hurt ! He feels your pain! Give it all to Him! He can take your brokenness and turn it into something strong for Hos Glory!